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danasider on 19 November 2018
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Lonely_Dolphin said:
VAMatt said:
I disagree pretty much completely with the o p. The big determining factor in success, whether that be success in employment, personal relationships, or whatever, is self confidence. If one lacks self-confidence, all that stuff in the OP applies. That is true regardless of the person's physical attractiveness.

With that said, I will grant it is probably a little bit easier for an attractive person to maintain their self confidence. There are going to be more ego-boosts for an attractive person, and that's certainly helpful.

I don't get what being self confident does for one outside of feeling good about themselves. I mean even if you think highly of yourself that doesn't mean other people will.

Self confidence is given off through body language among other things. It's not a wishy washy aura or vibe thing. Body language is very real in terms of being scientifically observable, and many of the times it tells more about the person than the actual words they use.

Some people can hide it well, but most will show what they are feeling through their body language. Things like good posture, a smile, the ability to look a person in the eyes, etc show confidence. And that is inviting versus a person that is sullen and looks defeated (I am sure you've seen people like this). And the tone the person uses when speaking goes further to cement that confidence.

It can be a real turnoff for friends, potential partners and even family if they're dragged into someone else's misery by simply standing around that person, so people gravitate towards those who have confidence. As a person who's struggled with depression, I've had talks about this with friends, partners, family, and even a therapist. People in all of these groups have confirmed this to me.

And even though I am not god's gift to anyone, I am no way near unattractive. It's something I work on daily, because blaming depression and having a defeated attitude is very unattractive to me so why would I expect others to gravitate toward me if I am displaying qualities and attitudes even I find unattractive?

Sounds like OP needs to work on himself and his confidence.