I deal with depression and anxiety. And as much as depression sucks it's a million times better than dealing with anxiety. I think my depression is actually a coping mechanism to defend against anxiety. Giving up and feeling that trying anything is pointless is much more tolerable than that feeling of "I have to do something or I'll explode but I don't know what".
I'm not going to give any advice, because there's no magic cure. But, if you haven't seen a professional with a good reputation, that should be the first thing. Of course, be wary of professionals with bad reputations. That's how I wound up on a medication that wasn't right for me and wound up having my first panic attack. And they don't sound that bad till you've had one..
At any rate, good luck. You're not alone.
