I'm completely and utterly alone, ask me anything! <(^_^<)

[Landale_Star]

Have you ever considered that you might be better off alone? If you keep failing then perhaps you'd be happier if you readjusted what you want in life. In time you might realise that you were chasing the wrong thing all along.

I say this because for years and years, I was focused on my problems, on why I was lonely, why I couldn't meet people, why I could never seem to do anything but fail. I used to get desperate and do stupid things to either try to change my situation or to try making myself feel better, i.e. finding whoever would tolerate me and drinking my money away. I was very sure I desired friends and a partner. But I eventually decided to try taking advice seriously, I started to make changes, to make friends, I went speed dating, got a girlfriend, broke up, tried again and did it again. All of this was really hard for me but I tried because it really seemed important to the future of my life. This opened my eyes to what was really wrong. I was chasing what I thought was going to be happiness but, guess what, it was shit. I fucking hated it, drained the life out of me. For years I thought I was unhappy because I was lonely or some bad shit happened in my past or that I just wasn't cut out for achieving what I wanted. Boy was I wrong, I had completely the wrong goals, I realised that I am totally better off alone, I'm happier that way. I don't have any friends, I suppose there is my brother that I see once a week so there is a total of 1 person I have regular contact with outside of work. But I'm not unhappy, I'm not bitter or hateful, I'm happy and content. I don't dislike the rest of my family, I care for them quite a bit, but things between us work better if we have some distance and only meet on occasion. I'll probably never settle down with a partner either and honestly I'm really happy with that, I never could stand being close to someone for very long. It's comforting and reassuring to feel like I only have to contend with myself for the rest of my life lol, makes planning for the future much easier.

Things really got better for me when I realised that I was fixated on the wrong things all along, I now have more confidence, I'm happier and I worry a lot less. In fact even though I just said I'm alone most of the time, I never, ever, feel lonely. I used to, it really used to be something I felt regularly but now I haven't felt that way for years. Of course, I still have problems, health and money being two of them but at least I feel good about myself and my general life. I have time to do what I want, to focus on my interests. It's funny because back then I was worried about finding people to be friends with, doing everything wrong and pushing people away unintentionally but now I find that because I'm more relaxed and better at getting on casually with people that I've had to actually avoid well meaning offers of friendship from decent people because I've realised that is a true path to misery for me. Solitude used to be stressful and painful for me but now I know better and it is bliss. Friends and close relationships aren't for everyone, with the vast number of people out there there have to be a number who just shouldn't view them as desirable. It's just my opinion but I tend to think that people who consistently fail are usually trying the wrong things and that can be the case for us friendless folk too. I had fooled myself into misery and made my life harder, it still amazes me how I did that.

Now there's a good chance you're not exactly like me, but I do wonder if what you want isn't actually right for you. Whatever it is, you seem to be defeating yourself and refusing to change, that is pretty pathetic and since I used to do it all the time I can confirm that it'll get you nowhere.