How Do I Get Online?

[dtewi]

Since the fuckwads from FiOS have been taking too long, I want to get online by using a wired connection.

A few questions:

1) What are some cheap ones?

2) Are they readily available at some stores?

3) How do I set them up?

4) Do they impair my connection by making it laggier since I have 24K Dial-Up.

So help. If I get good answers, I can hopefully get online by the end of this week.