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Ouroboros24 on 06 August 2017
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haxxiy said:

It feels I am reading an over-complicated and tedious scientific or philosophical essay poorly disguised as a story. Sorry to put it that bluntly OP, but that's how it felt to me. Sometimes - not on every chapter, mind you - it's like I'm reading Atlas Shrugged, except written by the point of view of an overpowered Rick, the scientist from Rick and Morty.

Besides, beings of extreme power rarely make for interesting characters, specially one with little to no bounds such as your main character. Even silver age Superman managed to keep himself somewhat interesting because he had a clear moral code, people he cared about, and, of course, his equals to oppose him.

Edit - I don't like being prospective instead of descriptive, but I would consider to make any science fiction or fantasy work more down to Earth on scope.  Nothing relevant is hardly ever lost on a lower scale, and the power of the story, and the concepts or messages it may try to convey, do remain the same, or are even improved.

Thanks for the review.  I agree with everything you said, certainly tedious and complicated.  As for poorly disguised as a story, yeah probably, working on it.  Philosophical, what else would a demigod talk to a commoner about.   The science and philosophy is not something I'm trying to spread or push on anyone, I just think a Demigod  is suppose to act this way.  Especially a demigod who was once one of us.  If he has lived over a million years, I would believe that he's already done anything and everything.  He's bored.  Yeah, more or less Rick.  But Rick was never trully looking for anything important.  Importance to Rick seems like being a pansey in the face of life and why it's important to be Schwfity.  Rick was always just trying to keep not bored.  As for Von Berlain, he cannot forsake his promise he's kept for so long.   No matter how jaded he becomes.

Characters who are extremely overpowered rarely do make for interesting characters.  That's the reaosn why Batman stories are more interesting than superman.  It has a lot to do with being able to relate with the character, because what do we have in common with God?  But that's the challenge, isn't it.  Von Berlain is the main character so it's my job now to make him not relatable, but to be looked upon as an antagonist who controls everything.  Upun Tambor is the relatable one. 

Down to Earth can't happen in this book.  It's probably why it's so hard for me to finish.  Nothing is related to our universe in this story.  Everything is suppose to be alien.  I know one of the most fundamental things to do when writing a book is make it relatable, but I'm straying away from that.  I'm trying something new.  It's full of exposition and the supposed fun to be had for reading this is exposition.  Like readying about Black holes or doppelgangers.  Story is important, I understand that, but I'd like to make a book where it doesn't have to be relatable.

I don't want to make it sound like I'm defending my work because I never wanted to be the kind of writer who was butthurt because someone said anything negative.  I guess I'm giving myself this one time to explain myself.  I really do thank you for your input.  I'm gonna be thinking about your post all day at work tomorrow.  In the long run, you really are doing me a favor, so thanks again. 

Also, could you tell me how far you went into the story.  That way I can a t least gauge where you're coming from.