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The actor who used them disagrees with you.

Additionally, "they are too small and the buttons arranged too awkwardly to be used as single controllers", how can you possibly know this without actually using them?

I've said this previously, I am concerned I'll like the joy-con myself. However, There is no reason anyone can justify an outright statement such as yours at this point. You haven't seen it in person or had any actual reviews of the hardware to make any such claims.

This is like my kids when they were 3 saying they don't like corn. You can't know you don't like something until you try it.