Being able to hold a conversation but at the same time being comfortable with silence together while you do your own thing, like reading or walking. Some people I've met needed to be around me at all times - and would be uncomfortable at all times unless something was going on - which I absolutely HATED. CLINGY IS BAD
Two other big ones are ability to compromise and communicate. Imagine the following scenario from my point of view (as I'm walking out the door), of my gf who really wants me to stay home but won't directly say it. (Words/names subject to change):
Her: "Hey DongFloppicus Reim, where are you going?"
Me: "Going out to shoot pool and watch football with Steve and Steve"
Her: "Oh. I was wanting to cuddle and watch Grey's Anatomy all day but I suppose I can find something else to do."
Me: "Oh, I'm sorry, I had no idea you wanted to do that." (slight lie, but doing this every second night sucks) (Man tip: not knowing this is treated as a grand felony)
Her: "Go. It's fine." (Man tip: definitely not fine)
Me: "I can call Steve and Steve and tell them we'll meet up another ti...."
Her: "It's fine. Go. Enjoy yourself."
Me: "FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU"
This is a giant no-no for me. Another no-no is being more obsessed with one's Instagram than one's relationship. Beeyatch, this ain't meant to be broadcast for everyone. Would you rather focus your attention on making 1000 internet strangers happy, or contributing to our relationship?
You can't pick out all of these personal traits right away, although you can avoid some. If they are on their phone during the majority of your first date, chances are either they're not interested in you or they are addicted to dat phone, so I wouldn't try for a second date anyway. I haven't been able to pick out clingy traits on the first date though; those tend to surface much later.
In terms of dates, nobody should turn down a date unless they are relationshipally occupied IMO. How do you know what the other person has to offer if you don't give them a chance? After that, you'll need many more dates to figure out if you want a relationship.
So yeah, I guess my criteria for asking for a first date isn't that stingy. I accept almost all dates, and if I like the person I'll pursue further dates, after a certain point I'll probably be in a relationship anyway. So to sum up what I look for in a "partner" (after a few dates), here's a small list:
a) I enjoy myself around them (common interests, sense of humor, smile, curiosity)
b) Their ability to engage in and maintain a conversation, or hold a comfortable silence together with me.
c) Their relative independence and acceptance of my own independence.
d) How well they treat others, like the waitress who is serving us.
e) Health and attractiveness. How well do they take care of themselves?
#1 Amb-ass-ador
