Worst Fortune Ever

[Grey Acumen]

Mummelmann said:
They might as well write what you have done in the past, like this;
"You just ate a cookie", which could be wrong as well seeing as how some just open the cookie and don't eat it.
Is there research on this? Amount of cookie-openers-who-don't-eat-the-cookie statistics? Would sure be interesting.

"the pleasure you gained from eating this cookie will ever be overshadowed by the horrors of the cruel world we  exist in"

"you will be ensured good luck for the rest of your life unless you finish reading this fortune. too late"

"this cookie will be the closest thing to a true friend you'll ever have. until its eaten"

"<--- to end pain of existence, hold against wrist and move in direction of arrows --->"

"the reverse side of this fortune has the answer to all of your problems" (other side is blank)

"don't hate yourself, you aren't worth the effort"

"even crackerjack boxes have prizes, all this cookie had was a hokey fortune. why are you still reading?"

"if this is supposed to be a chinese restaurant, then why is your fortune written in english?"