The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

[binary solo]

Mr Khan said:
Gah, i left the theatre in a rotten mood, compounded by an aggravating street design and some asshole on my block who faulted me for parking comfortably spaced apart from the car in front of me because he couldn't fit his goddamn pickup truck behind (ended up moving, bumped into him on the way out, not deliberately, but because the jackass got exactly what he wanted, to be crammed in there so that neither of us could really maneuver out)

1) The Esgalduin is the one that drains the Long Lake, not the Anduin! I heard one woman say it clear as day

2) There is NOTHING to the North of Erebor. He told Legolas to "go north," which in reality is a good way to tell a son you're feuding with to go sod off because you're telling him to go off into the damn Forodwaith.

3) Mt. Gundabad is miles and miles from Erebor. The geography of it was specious enough even in The Hobbit itself that the Orcs could move from Gundabad to Erebor in the span of weeks between the death of Smaug and the Battle, but to have time for folks to go to and fro from it is just madness.

This is setting aside all the other craziness. Yes it was nice seeing Galadriel get to be badass, but you could've done it without taking a hatchet to the history of middle earth! Why did they need to fight the Nine, why did they need to fight anyone? They advanced, and the Necromancer retreated, because Sauron had actually been ready to retreat from Dol Guldur and go back to Mordor. You could have had a "battle of wills" between Galadriel and Sauron without having to get the Nine involved. And what's the "watch on the walls of Mordor" business? Gondor abandoned that watch almost 1500 years before the Battle of Five Armies

4) Tauriel x Kili made me facepalm and groan. Terrible, terrible, terrible.

Look, i get that you want to make it epic, but the material was there. Yes, even if you wanted to make three movies, the choices they made make no sense, unless their goal is to piss off fans of the book like me. In which case they've well succeeded.

The women in my life loved this part. They also loved the Galadriel scene.

6/10 for me. It was OK.