LemonSlice on 04 August 2014
I read half. Lack of proper punctuation (it's basically one long run on sentence then another) makes it hard to read. It's decently eloquent, and does have the feel of sci-fi pulp. You do paint an interesting picture and I think I could get into it were it not for the awful grammar and punctuation.
Just work on your style and you should get better. I read stuff which had perfect writing and was awfully boring and you're not boring. :)
