The Tale of the Benevolent Dad of Nintendo & The Very Naughty Children of Third-Parties
Part III - The Dad's Secret Weapon - The Soothsayer Fan Neighbor
The Third Party children were hunkering down with their new Middleware Pooch, happily cranking out game after game and bringing them to market, while good Daddy Nintendo stuck to his guns and produced quality craftsmanship, creating works so wondrous and perfect that nobody understood or really enjoyed them (NintendoLand, Wonderful 101). Just then, he overheard a ruckus outside. Going to his big fatherly window, he espied some of the neighbor kids standing on their lawn, calling out for all the world to hear.
"There are those who say the benevolent Father who lives in this house," here the children pointed at Big Daddy NinNin's home, "has lost his way. That he no longer produces pleasantry for the people! If you'll stop and listen to me for forty five minutes rambling on in a novella length screed I've pulled from my sainted ass, I will SHOW you that Ol' Pappy Nintendo is really none other than FATHER NINTENDOMINATION!"
Big Pop Nintendo-man laughed, gripping his fat belly as it jiggled and wriggled. Young lads like this neighbor folk were exactly how Nintendo knew his masterfully laid-out plan to destroy all other companies - all while looking like he was selling less than his competitors by far - would truly come to fruition. With the young neighbor proselytizing to those who had lost the faith, Dear Father Nintendo knew his herd of sheep-like third-party children would soon come back into the fold. So he could murder them and put them out of business forever.
The young neighbor children didn't always sound too clear on that: was Daddy Nintendo going to take back his flock of departing, wayward third-party children or slaughter them like helpless goslings? Nintendo, sitting back down at his workstation, decided it didn't really matter so much. No specific fact really mattered. All that mattered was his SUPER SECRET PLAN, which is already starting to work.
"I'll lure those third-parties and other consoles into a false sense of complacency, by hemorrhaging money," he chuckled, putting the finishing touches on a game by carefully slicing off anything resembling achievements, "then I'll produce a one-two punch that is sure to stop them in their tracks: I'll have the worst second-holiday console sales in Nintendo history and THEN have my shares shed a fifth of their value in a few hours when I cut my FY 2013 consoles sales forecasts down to less than a THIRD of what I've maintained for an entire year!"
Father Daddy Nintendo laughed and laughed, to the point where spittle flecked his old white beard. To the point where he began to scare himself. To a point where he could not stop.
"Oh yes," he said, through the laughter that was echoing off the walls of his empty house, "they won't know what hit them, will they? My plan..." he guffawed, "is already working!"
He glanced at the pale reflection of his haggard face in the window as the neighbor child, across the lawn, cried "Nintendo will sell 240 million consoles IN TWO DAYS!"
"Yes," said Daddy Nintendo, still laughing, tears streaming down his cheeks, "already working."
TO BE CONTINUED
Part I - "The Naughty Kids of the Third Party Set Out on their Own"
http://gamrconnect.vgchartz.com/post.php?id=5976084
Part II - "In Which the Soda Can of Server Offloads is Guzzled and the Fried Rice of Frame Rates is Munched Down"
http://gamrconnect.vgchartz.com/post.php?id=5976136
