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Jay520 said:
I've always been a sitting man myself. My dad was a sitting man. His dad was a sitting man, and so on. I've tried standing one time, and for the entire day, my buttocks region felt crusty. I had to dump my underwear, pants, my shirt, and my hat because they were stained with fecal residue

It's actually been scientifically proven by scientists that wiping while standing is the objectively inferior alternative. The reason is because when you stand, your ass cheeks close themselves again, causing residue to be smushed inside. When this happens, approximately 20% of the fecal matter is absorbed into the buttocks, and can only be removed via surgery. If surgery doesn't occur immediately, then the feces will be there forever; it will become a part of you. It's been estimated that the average stander is 15% full of shit, as a result.

Haven't you told us this story before?