| TheLastStarFighter said: Majora, you already have your answer from within yourself. You were hurt by the betrayal and now do not feel the same level of passion. You are a monogamist, and there's no way around it. The solution is not to lower your expectations, but to find someone who can meet them. Your current boyfriend never will. For many people, the feeling of being special and exclusively intimate with someone is wonderful. It's not about jealously but about valuing and being valued. Be true to yourself and find someone who will meet your emotional needs. |
Thank you so much for this post. It's so honest. And I think you're right. I just wish I could feel the way I did again before I found out. Funny thing is I don't blame him - I blame me. And even after all this time I sstill blame me. I don't love him anymore, but I wish I did. Is that sick? I feel so bad :(
Any time. And remember, your blaming of yourself is because you are an optimist and want to find a way to excuse him. You want this situation to work. You want to believe his words, even though they are lies. Or at least somewhat lies. I'm sure he loves you and enjoys your company. But he does not love you in the way that you love him. Any promises of loyalty are said simply because it's what he knows you want to hear.
You are not doing the right thing in forgiving and moving on, so you have no reason for feeling bad for not finding it easy to do so. Forgiveness is virtuous, but when it comes to relationships there is no virtue in standing by someone who has betrayed your trust. Stand by them in sickness, in sadness, but if they violate your partnership and loyalty then the fault is theirs and they no longer deserve your partnership.
The worst thing you can do is stay with this person. It will lead you to feeling empty and unfulfilled. Eventually, your gimped relationship will likely end with him leaving you for something fresh, since that is what motivates him anyway, and you will look back with regret since you knew at this moment he was not loyal and you were missing the love you had felt before. Cherrish that love. Enjoy it, remember it. But leave this chap and take some time for youself. Allow yourself time to adjust to being alone. Be sad. Cry. Then take some times to enjoy some of your individual passions. Play an all night game marathon or rent movies that are a guilty pleasure. Go to a shopping mall, buy something you like and check out some good-looking guys. Then, find someone new, someone who meets your standards of what you expect in another and fall in love again and enjoy every second. Then you will look back on this time and know very clearly that it was done and hollow from the moment he cheated. The rush will be great and if the person is good to you, it will last a very long time.
