I think I may have some form of depression, but I've never been diagnosed. I have highs and lows though.
Looking into the eyes of my girlfriend and partly hating her. Feeling like I'm slipping away from her after 2 and a half years and wondering sometimes what we are even doing together.
My ineptitude at academic studies, I'm a chronic underachiever with problems with authority that even though I self analyze the trait, recognize it as childish and try to quell it, it still pops up from time to time. Kind of a 'don't give a fuck' attitude that I find very difficult to shake off. It makes meeting deadlines or appointments extremely difficult as inertia and a 'live for the moment' only attitude take control.
This ties in with my peter pan syndrome, I am depressed at the thought of ageing/not being young forever.
Coming down off alcohol sometimes I get really down.
Reminiscing of the times when I truly was depressed, how grey the whole world was and how close I came to ending it. (But also the insane highs unlike anything I've experienced on any drug.)
Having to put on a mask of being happy to others around me while inside I feel nothing. Literally nothing.
The realization that as much as some people love you or are close to you, you are still the only person in the world that can look after yourself, all those people can come and go like the wind. Even with all the smiling faces, hugs and kisses- you are alone.
