Wow it sucks that you are having so many problems with XBL. I haven't had any of the above problems nor do I know anyone else that has encountered them.
Try the following things and see if anything works.
1. First off clear the cache on your 360 to see if that could be the problem (I doubt it is but you never know) then if that doesn't work try to sync it to your router wirelessly (if your 360 is able) or try out a different ethernet cable.
2. Try to plug the 360 that is having problems straight into the modem and see if you are having problems because the update could have caused a DNS problem or something like that with your router. If it works fine whilst plugged into the modem then the router is your problem.
3. Try resetting your router first by doing a soft reset (unplugging the power from it) and if that doesn't work you may have to call up your ISP provider and get them to help you out to fix the problem
4. If none of the above work call Microsoft and see if they can help you.
I hope you can get your 360 working good with XBL again.
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