NEWS FLASH: Mario platformer has little story. Interview with the director of God Of War 2 and the two or three other people who actually care at 11.
Seriously. "Give me a compelling reason to care about pushing on through the adventure?" How about the fact that you're, you know, having fun? Oh, wait, I forgot; Cory Barlog apparently has such a bad case of ADD that he needs cutscenes every five minutes to remind himself that he has a motivation for playing, lest he otherwise be distracted by, say, a passing airplane, or the nagging desire to have marital relations with his grandmother. But, I guess you'd be distracted, too, if you had to spend every day designing an overly macho Greek-themed action game starring that "THIS IS SPARTA!!" guy from 300 and a bunch of topless women. I mean, it doesn't get any more exciting than that, right? Screw Mario and his pansy-arse Princess and that big walking turtle-thing that passes for a villain. Now, throw a few tattoos and muscles on Mario, give him a couple of blades that shoot out in all directions for no discernible reason, have Peach and Rosalina wearing see-through dresses, and replace Bowser with a hundred-foot-tall god of wanton destruction (who's also overly muscled and tattooed, since muscles and tattoos denote a deep character who's obviously got some inner turmoil or something going on), and you've got yourself a game that'll make a man out of you!
Oh, also, that Pac-Man game? Pft, I could barely stand playing it for two minutes. I mean, why is this little circle thing eating dots? Why are those ghosts chasing him? I need cutscenes, consarnit! Cutscenes!!!
... *deep breath*
"'Casual games' are something the 'Game Industry' invented to explain away the Wii success instead of actually listening or looking at what Nintendo did. There is no 'casual strategy' from Nintendo. 'Accessible strategy', yes, but ‘casual gamers’ is just the 'Game Industry''s polite way of saying what they feel: 'retarded gamers'."
-Sean Malstrom
