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Um. A copy of New Scientist and a box of co-codomol. New Scientist is the flimsiest magazine ever, so that would be worse than useless as a weapon. I could force them to overdose on the co-codamol, but it may take some time to affect them. I'm screwed.

Or I would be if Zombies weren't the most useless monster ever after vampires (seriously, what is the point of vampires?)