This website is amazing. It is the chronicles of a man who talks in his sleep. Basically he comes out with one liners all night. The things he comes out with are surreal, some of it has really had me in hysterics.
http://sleeptalkinman.blogspot.com/
Here's a few things he's come out with -
"My computer needs more power. Feed it chips. Lots of chips. With ketchup. Not mayonnaise."
"Why don't you stand in fuck-up corner. You can stay there 'til, I don't know, I-don't-give-a-shit-about-you 'o clock."
"Awesomeness now has a name. Let me introduce myself."
"Really? If you can pee that high, DEFINITELY join the fire brigade. Yah."
"You've got to save the curtains! Save the curtains... They hold so many secrets."
"Please bounce on my bed with me. Bounce with me. Because there's nothing more romantic than bouncing..... Boing."
"Don't move a muscle. Bushbabies are everywhere... everywhere... Shoot the fucking big-eyed wanky shite fucks! Kick 'em. Stamp them. Poke 'em in their big eyes! Take that for scaring the crap out of me."
"Oh, don't worry, dear. The spot doesn't make you ugly. No no no. The rest of your face, now THAT makes you ugly. The spot's just a highlight."
"Bring it on, King Kong. I'll kick your monkey ass right back to the jungle."
"Oh, the penguins deserve better. Spread the love... Beaky twats."
"My donkey. That's MY donkey. Get off my donkey! You know, you're not some superstar donkey jockey. Piss off."
"I do like your eyes. Mmmm-hmmm. Shoved up your fucking ass so I can see the shit you create. Bye-bye!"
"My badger's gonna unleash hell on your ass. Badgertastic!"
"No, not the cats. Don't trust them. Their eyes. Their eyes. They know too much."
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
"You can't be a pirate if you haven't got a beard. I said so. MY boat, MY rules."
"We haven't got a plank. Just fucking jump."
"Don't... Don't put the noodles and the dumplings together in the boat. They'll fight! The noodles are bullies. Poor dumplings."
"Elephant trunks should be used for elephant things only. Nothing else."
"Don't leave the duck there. It's totally irresponsible. Put it on the swing, it'll have much more fun."
Essay Pro