I have a problem..... with a girl

[dunno001]

I'm going to have to agree that it's way too risky given the respect she's showing her current BF. However, if you're willing to take that risk, you're going to have to let her know in no uncertain terms that she's going to have to do choose. You seem to have a moral code very similar to mine; so I definitely understand your not wanting to force a decision to break them up. However, either way, your feelings have grown, and at this point, continuing to persue this will only hurt you more in one way or another. If you do have her choose, you will feel bad for a bit, but if you two really seem to be compatable at that next level you don't want to go at as things stand, you may forget about it. (And I don't mean just good sex.) Conversely, if you wait for her to decide, your attraction to her may continue to increase, tugging at your very moral that, quite frankly, I think is good, about doing stuff with someone who's taken. And that will eat at you for a long time.

But I'm going to ultimately say to cut the string. I like to joke the the only thing we learn from history is that we don't learn from history. But she now has a known history to you on flirting with other guys. You don't know how far back that goes. I don't know her, so anything I say here isn't a definitive, but just a possibility. I think that her doing this is a trust thing from the male side of the equation- her doing this makes it too hard to trust her in my eyes. It may be that she gets a rush off of the new relationship feeling. Or, worse, it may be that she knows its easier to play patsy on someone in a new relationship to get material stuff they want. (Again, that may be wrong.) But either way, if you get with her, there's nothing stopping her from finding another guy and repeating the cycle. While there's a saying that it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, it just makes the hurt that much worse. I see it as taking the hurt of ending it now, or letting it build up interest if you continue to be with her.

The exception to that, though, is something that really is tough to find out. And that would be her having no actual history of this, AND finding out that she genuinely has liked you. This is a possibility, however, confirming it may take a lot of work, some of which you may also regret. Asking her outright could (rightfully) cause her to question the love between the pair, and may drive her away. Or, it may insult or even hurt her that you would question it, and that tends to be a different sort of problem. Doing this has the best chance of wrecking the friendship you two have, but it's another way to find out what her thoughts, and thus which angle you would feel more comfortable going at, if you're willing to take that huge risk. Personally, I wouldn't, but if you're at a complete loss, it might be the first step to take.

Either way, love ending hurts, and you're both in for some. The least painful way would be if you are with her, and she stays with you for life. (Of course, it's kinda hard for it to end in this case, unless she dies before you.) Any other way stings, and I truthfully would look to try to minimize this on yourself.