You're right WEEBS. Part of me feels like some kind of predator. I can sense which girls are "weak" enough to fall for my bull-shit.....pretty girls with esteem issues. They never call until I tell them to. They never demand too much. They just take what I allow them to have. I tell them I have a fiancé. I make them feel like they are good enough to take me from her. I tell them what they need to hear. Then I tell my girl at home how much I love her. One day, I'm gonna get caught. I'll probably lose my job when I do. The department REALLY looks down on scandal, and unbecoming conduct. There's a hole in me, and I don't know how to fill it.
And through all of this, I'm being told by people in the community how good a person I am. Nobody, not even people I've arrested, seems to dislike me.
Part of me is addicted to being in love. Part of me is addicted to the depression that comes with the break-up. I have issues. Hopefully, before I lose my job, my girl, or my reputation, I will become the man everyone thinks I am. This is the first time I admit these things about myself. It looks pretty ugly when I read it. I don't plan to ever look at this thread again, but I am glad to have this "somewhat" off of my chest. Thanks.
