Apparently, a videogame forum is the right place for me to vent, so here goes.....
I used to be the most upstanding person you could ever meet. No smoking. No drinking. No sex. Nothing. Just a good hearted videogame nerd. Back in 1992, I fell in love with a girl named Penny. I spent every waking moment dreaming of her, and what life with her would be. I pined for her for at least a year before I told her how I felt. To my suprise, she told me that she loved me too!
I live in a small town. There was no future here. I enlisted in the Air-Force so that I could start the foundation for "our" lives. I shipped off on April 6, 1995. Penny didn't see me off when I left. Basic training was tough. I was so naive, and STILL a virgin. Penny never wrote me, but everytime a challenge presented itself, I used her as my inspiration to get me through. Eventually, I got injured. Broke both bones in my left leg--tore right through the skin. I got a medical separation from the military after about 1 year of service. I was still loyal to this girl whom I never saw, and rarely heard from. When I got home, Penny was pregnant. I was still a virgin. Why did she keep telling me she loved me? What had I done wrong? I was loyal. I wrote her often. I gave her money. I loved her? I was a fool.
I tried to commit suicide. I wasn't very good at it. It took me another couple years before I could trust a girl again. I finally found a girl I thought I could love when I was 21. It was 1998....but the damage is done. We've been together for almost a decade. So many people wish they could have the life we live. But they don't know the half.
I'm a whore. I have a good girl who trusts me, and believes that I am good. In a lot of ways, I am. Still, everytime I get the opportunity, I am cheating on her. Black girls. White girls. As young as 18. As old as 40. I make them love me. Part of me thinks I love them. I sell them (and myself) a dream, and then I break their hearts. What girl doesn't want a handsome, athletic, take charge, police officer like me? I read people for a living. I become whatever they want. Then I leave them before they leave me.
And there are days when I park my car someplace very quiet, and cry, and cry. I've hurt a lot of good girls because I let one girl hurt me back when I was too young to know what love was. Now, my soul is so black. So, who wants to play Super Mario Galaxy?
*and as for Penny, she gave birth to a mentally handicapped little boy. The guy she screwed was heavy into drugs, I later learned. Hell, I arrested him. She now has 4 children by 3 different men. She's tried to get back with me since then. I can't even stand to look at her. How did I let someone like that have so much power over me?
