Want to be a fanboy? Sure, we all do. It’s the senseless, undying devotion to a heartless corporation that makes being a video gamer so great. Don’t be a reasonable, sensible gamer who enjoys multiple consoles and sees the industry for what it is. That’s for adults and people with minds. You can be different.
You can be…a fanboy!
(Click "Read more" for the rest.)
The first step to being a console fanboy is to choose among Nintendo, Sony, and Microsoft. You can only pick one. If you have varied tastes and broad interests, you can’t be a fanboy. You’re merely a fan, and heck, who wants that? You need to be incredibly narrow, and that takes dedication. Choose your brand. If you’re having trouble deciding, pick a name out of a hat. There isn’t much logic to being a message board soldier anyway, so choosing your brand need not befuddle your little brain.
Next, pretend that Sony, Nintendo, and Microsoft are countries instead of soulless, corporate entities. A country and its government’s purpose is that of keeping its population safe, healthy, and economically sound. If you allow yourself to believe that you have sworn allegiance to Nintendo like you would pledge allegiance to the American flag, it will instill an important, false sense of patriotism in you, and perhaps even more critical, it will infect you with patriotism’s nasty cousin, xenophobia.
Speaking of how to envision your chosen company, you may find that other gamers will make logical arguments about how brand loyalty is a ridiculous concept. Ignore them! You need to see your company as the living embodiment of all that is good. If you give your argument a moral framework, it can give others the false impression that you are merely fighting the good fight and not arbitrarily embedding yourself with a game company that doesn’t care about you.
Therefore, if you are a Sony fanboy, argue that Microsoft is owned by Bill Gates, who once may or may not have copied the Apple operating system, and by extension, the Xbox 360 is the spawn of the devil. If you are a Microsoft fanboy, let your sworn enemies know that some elements of Sony used relatively underhanded tactics to put the Sega Dreamcast in last place in the console wars. If you are a Nintendo fanboy, declare that the other consoles are not “family friendly” despite the fact that the Wii contains Resident Evil 4 and MadWorld. They probably won’t even notice!
Finally, let’s discuss how to speak to other fanboys. Only respond to fanboys who make less sense than you. That way, you will appear to be intelligent. Pretend anyone making a reasonable argument isn’t even posting. Don’t reply. Don’t quote. Simply continue talking about how Sony’s new motion controller is the future while Nintendo’s motion controller, which does largely the same thing, is gimmicky and childish. Also, when making an argument, frame it as a joke. That way, when called out on your raving bullcrap and lies, you can say “Uhh, I was only joking. Duh!” and use the jocular wording of your stupidity as evidence to that “fact.”
Lastly, the most important part of having a fanboy argument is to call your opponent a fanboy -- while at the same time, denying the fact that you are, too.
lol this made me laugh
