Official Valkyria Chronicles FanFic Thread

[forevercloud3000]

Lightning_24 said:

@forevercloud may i give you a little constructive criticism?

While your story is very creative, smart, and played out well, there are a few things i think you could do better with. It is your sentence structure, you start many sentences with "subject - verb." Some examples, "she turned, she pondered, she gave, he stopped...." Subject- verb sentences can get tiring and take away from the good story you have. I think if you take the time and change up the sentences you will find you will come up with better ones.

Hope this helps you.

 

I appreciate all critisizm ^^! I saw all types of errors after I posted it. I didnt really proofread like I should have either. I think my contest entry was much better written then this one. I get stuck sometimes, mainly when I realize I am doing one of the following....

-using he/she way too much

-using names + said way too much(Alecia said, Alecia said, Alecia said, etc.)

I will take the time to rephrase some of my sentences for better understanding.