10. You can’t beat Mario 2
How easy of a game is Mario 2? Take away the warp zones that take you to the last level. Let’s say you don’t find them and you have to go through the whole game without warping anywhere. Still, this game is easy as fuck. All the bosses are predictable, the puzzles are simple, and evading that flying mask who chases you when you have a key is like evading Zangief in Street Fighter (also on this list). There isn’t anything about this game that’s hard. Get the warp zone to the final level and it would become an easy game that could be finished in ten minutes. Take on Wart at the end and it’s like you’re fighting Zangief (yes, Zangief is the ultimate sign of the easiest character to beat of all time). No bosses are hard, no levels are hard. You need to be able to beat Mario 2 to be able to consider yourself a gamer.
9. You go into the third round with Glass Joe in Mike Tyson’s Punchout
In most fighting games, the first person you fight is not even meant to teach you how to play the game. It’s just meant to give you confidence in order to fight the next opponent, where you really start developing your skills to beat a game. This is seen nowhere more conspicuously than fighting Glass Joe in Mike Tyson’s Punchout. He should go down the first round if there is any hand-eye coordination in the gamer. Glass Joe basically stands still and lets you hit him. He’s a human punching bag and has a 1-99 record for the reason (who the hell did he beat?). Even when he stands back and pretends like he’s getting pumped up, he comes back down to the ring and does nothing but wait 3 seconds to give a slow uppercut. If you are in the third round with Glass Joe, Von Kaiser was ganna pulverize you. It is ironic though that Glass Joe had such a high ranking on our “Top 10 fighters from Punchout” list. Why? You’ll just have to go and read it to see for yourself.
8. You can’t get out of the Super Metroid Space Station in time
In the beginning of Super Metroid, you land on a ship with fellow scientists who are down and out from an attack by Ridely. As you go in to try to save the baby Metroid from his clutches, Ridely decides to destroy the space station. You have something like a minute to get out of the space station which takes about 20 seconds to get out of if you were going slowly. This initial tense moment is to give the gamer confidence that he can at least escape a space station that gives you more than enough time to escape. If you can’t get out of there in time, it’s best to stop playing the game because it only gets harder, much harder.
7. You can’t beat Zangief in Street Fighter 2
When you played Street Fighter 2, you would gain huge relief when it came time to fight Zangief. After having to fight Ryu, E. Honda, and Ken, you were overwhelmed with ease knowing you had to fight this slow inflexible Russian. He had no jumping power, and he had no special fireball he could throw at you. All he could do was move towards you slowly and try to pile drive you. A couple dropkicks and a fireball would keep him at bay the entire fight. If you couldn’t beat Zangief, you couldn’t beat anyone. Forget about fighting someone as easy as Guile, Guile would put a whooping on you if this worst character in all the Street Fighter series had his way with you. It’s hard to imagine anyone losing to Zangief, even beginners. If you lost to him, you could only hope that no one else saw it.
6. You use your whip instead of axes against the Bat boss in level 1 of Castlevania 1
Who the fuck couldn’t figure this one out? The last weapon you can get before facing the bat boss in Castlevania 1 is the axe. When you get to him, there are blocks all the way to the right that he could never penetrate. You stand there and throw your axes at the dumbass flying bat. Who in their right mind would engage this moron and lose 1 energy bar with a whip when you are given an axe to use right beforehand and blocks to hide behind to throw axes at him the whole time? This again is another example of simple intuitive reasoning that goes into game play. Konami wanted you to gain confidence in the first level to be able to take on the trickier 2nd level with the dropping chain spikes that you had to pass by with perfect timing; that wouldn’t be happening though, if you couldn’t figure out that the bat boss of level 1 was to be beat with the Axe weapon.
5. You have yet to discover the first warp zone in Mario 1
You’ve played Mario 1 for your whole life and you still don’t know where the first warp zone is in level 1-2. From all those times you have played the game, you have yet to see that those elevators can raise to an upper platform that you can actually walk on. You never even tried it. You just assumed that you have to go through Mario level by level and there were no tricks for skipping levels. This lack of intuitiveness goes a long way to speaking strongly in favor of you sucking at video games. Childish curiosity is enough to get Mario risen up on those elevators to the upper level. If you couldn’t find this warp zone, you probably had to have someone beat the first level for you.
4. You can’t beat Johnny Cage in Mortal Kombat
Johnny Cage was a joke. What moron would go into another dimension to fight the monsters, magicians and gods with sunglasses on and no noticeable powers or fighting skills? You would think a fighter with this much confidence to enter into a battle would have some skill, but he didn’t. He was a below average fighter and had no good special powers. If you lost to him, you wouldn’t be able to beat anyone else in Mortal Kombat. Actually lets change the reason for this one real quick. You suck even more at video games if you actually used Johnny Cage. You suck at video games times ten if you lost to Johnny Cage using Johnny Cage. This is the ultimate double fail.
3. You quit Pac-Man because you couldn’t find your way out of the Maze
This place was tricky, scary (with all those ghosts running around), and impossible to get out of. Thank God for all the food or you might starve to death. I mean how do you get out of this maze? It sort of looks like there’s a couple of exits on the sides, but when you go through them you come back through the other end. Well its best to save the food then, who knows how long you’ll be stuck in here, careful rationing is the smart thing to do. That’s what sets you apart from the other gamers. You get it. You see how the game works instantly, and you set a carefully laid out plan, and then stick to it. You’ll get out of this maze. It may take a while to figure it out, but you’ll do it.
2. You miss with a red shell in Super Mario Kart
If there ever was a sure thing it was the red shell. In battle mode all your friends shuttered with fear and scattered to the far corners of the map to get away from you. If you’re racing your buddy who is in first place, he starts to quiver when you get a red shell. But why? Its just a shell and you’re not sure what all the commotion is about. Its probably best to just shoot the thing off so you can get another item. Who cares anyway, its just another shell, and the green ones aren’t all the useful. What’s so different about the red ones? It’s sort of like giving the French army a homing missile, God know how they are going to use it. No matter what you do you miss and with these things that says a lot.
1. You Play Pokemon
Most RPGs are difficult, but not this one. This walking, talking marketing campaign is easy, uses small words with big fonts, has pretty colors and is exactly the same no matter what version you pick up. The fact that it only you took ten minutes to catch them all and then the corporate fat cats over in Japan pop out another one never seemed suspicious to you at all. Neither does the logo ( gotta catch ‘em all) that doesn’t seem like a ploy to sell mass quantities of terrible merchandise at all. But who cares? All that matters is that good feeling you get after you beat each game. It sure makes you feel smart, and who cares if these games were so obviously made for children with short attention spans. You caught them all and thats all that matters.
http://old-wizard.com/top-10-ways-to-tell-if-you-suck-at-video-games
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so after seeing it who here on Vg chartz "sucks" at video games
WELL I sure do cus I was crazy about pokemon 7 years ago
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