Lol at that last one viz, I hear a lot of jokes but that one was new to me :)
Here's my favorite:
Three guys die and go to heaven. St. Peter says "Listen - we're having a really busy century, so we need to manage admissions tightly. Right now we can only admit people who have died in horrible fashions, and those who have died in a more mundane way will have to wait in limbo for a while"
The first man immediately steps foward knowing his story of death was pretty wild. St. Peter gestures to him and the man begins his story. "Well, I'd been suspicious of my wife having an affair for some time now, so today I came home from work early. I just knew the guy was in my apartment, but I couldn't find him. I looked everywhere and was just about to give up, when I went out on the balcony of my 23rd story apartment and there he was hanging over the edge! He was just barely hanging on, there was no way he could climb back onto the balcony. It was a really stupid place to try to hide. I was livid, so I started punching him and clawing at his fingers, but he held on. Finally I went to get a hammer and started pounding on his fingers, and he fell down. But what really angered me was that he landed in some bushes and fell to the ground dazed, but basically OK! I was so mad I grabbed the refrigerator, threw it off the balcony so it would land on him. Unfortunately I was so angry I didn’t notice the cord and it somehow got wrapped around my foot, as the refrigerator fell it pulled me over the edge with it and I fell to my death"
St. Peter was taken aback, and said "Wow, that was quite a story, the others will be hard pressed to beat that." He then approached the second man and asked him how he had died.
"I was riding my exercise bike on the balcony of my 24th story apartment, when the thing broke and threw me over the railing! I grabbed furiously at the railing and slipped, but managed to catch on the balcony below mine. I tried to climb up but it just wasn't possible. I thought I was going to fall but then someone came out on the balcony. I thought he would help me, until he started hitting me! I held on as best I could, but when he got a hammer and started hitting me I finally couldn't hold on anymore and fell. Through some miracle though, I fell in some soft bushes, I sat on the ground dazed, but basically OK! Just as I'm coming around, I look up and BAM this refrigerator lands on me. So here I am."
St. Peter immediately was speechless, but pointed at the third man to hear his story.
The third man gestures with his hands, "Picture this: naked… in a refrigerator..."
