| Louie said: I agree about the second paragprah, it has to be more precise, that´s correct. "proudly" more in the case of "we are proud to be the first". but what to write instead of "our data"? It IS vgchartz data in the end. Maybe Ioi could describe it´s system a bit. Whatever, it was just a first try, I´m sure it still needs lot of improvement. |
Oh yeah, no offense intended Louie. You did an excellent suggestion and were brave to start a first draft. I went into my "correction" mode and didn't give you due credit and buttering 
The first sentence said "proudly announces...Nintendo Wii finally passed Xbox 360 sales" and structurally that doesn't convey what you were trying to say. I did find the fifth paragraph about being proud to be the first to announce as being appropriate. So removing the proudly from the first sentence takes care of that.
Using the term "our data" isn't enough. I could do a similar press release. "According to my data, there are more people living on Mars than in Guatemala". It doesn't mean anything. That's why you have to justify it further by explaining how the data was collected and the statistics to back it up.
Also, press releases also include a little blurb about the company issuing the press release at the end of it.
like "VGChartz.com is the most comprehensive game sales database site available on the internet. With over 2.5 million hits per month, VGChartz is rapidly establishing itself as the main source for weekly game and console sales numbers." Or something similar.
