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Stof,

I tried to reply to your post several times but I couldn't come up with the right words to thank you for sharing such an intimate part of your life with us and also words that could help with the emotional roller coaster your life is on right now. I've been where you are now as I watched my uncle who was my closest friend die. I hated life and God for being so unfair and it took me a long time to come to terms with it. Something that helped was a book a friend gave me called "Tuesdays with Morrie", if you haven't already read it you should. Take care and my prayers go out to your family.