Hello, everyone. I am 16 years old and I am gay, I'm 100% sure of it and I'm loving it. Of course I wasn't like this before, I've finally accepted myself only about eight months ago when I met my current boyfriend and fell in love.
I was molested when I was 4 years old, that opened my eyes on so many things. Psychology says that's a reason for homosexuality since a person's sexuality is determined by the age of 6, and anything before that has a huge effect on a person's personality and likings.
I live in is a small and close-minded society where homosexuality is forbidden, entirely. Society traditions force guys to be manly by the age of 9, and if you don't make out with girls or anything then you are called gay and that means big troubles. Over here, homosexuals are despised by everyone... litter, stones and other trash is thrown at them when they walk by... and even some were murdered.
Yes, it's that cruel over here... that's why it is so important for someone like me to keep their identity a secret, although I'd love to be open about it more than anything in the world, because I believe that I shouldn't be ashamed of it. I'll come to why I think that later.
To make things worse, my family is really hateful towards homosexuals and I am sure that if they didn't kill me, they'd simply kick out of the house and never talk to me again. Keeping my identity a secret is a really difficult burden, it's like I have to be someone else around my friends and family... pretending to like girls and all.
I mentioned before that I've only accepted myself as a homosexual about 8 months ago, before that I was trying to change so bad because I didn't want to be different and because homosexuality is forbidden in my religion, many religions actually. I really tried hard, I considered therapy but I couldn't do it without my family finding out... I tried becoming religious hoping for a miracle, but nothing worked. Eventually I came to realize that's a part of me, it's one of those things that you can't really change no matter what, it's how you behave and how you feel... feelings cannot be controlled.
For those who think that homosexuals choose to be gay by their own will, let me ask you a question. If you are entirely straight, can you make yourself feel hot for a guy? No matter what you do, can you make yourself like other guys in a way homosexuals do? The idea may disgust some, so what makes you think homosexuals are no different? They feel this way, they can't force themselves to like girls... you were born with natural instinct to like girls, and we were born with natural instincts to like guys.
Of course some people turn from entirely straight to bisexuals, but how often is that? Recent psychology researches say that each person is born bisexual but the envirunment they live in determines what they become afterwards... and the fact that I was molested by a guy turned me into a homosexual.
That's why I'm not ashamed of being gay, because I didn't choose to be gay... I was given this aspect and I do believe that everything happens for a reason. I lost faith in my religion for a while because it forbided homosexuality and I knew at the time that no matter what I did, I couldn't do it... but I have changed since then, I do believe in God again although I'm still unable to understand how the whole thing works.
In my case, molestation was the determining factor... but I have a friend who wasn't molested, his older brothers are so manly, his father is so manly and he was raised in the same way as his brothers but he turned out to be gay... how come? He was also born with girly voice, he sounds softer than girls... you can't say he chose his voice, can you? You see that made me realize even more that some things are beyond our reach and we just need to accept God's wisdom.
I know this is a HUGE wall of text, so I'm going to finish up now. Well, all I have to say is that people don't understand that homosexuals are normal people and they don't choose to be homosexuals, they just are. I think my community's ignorance really hurt me in the past, I thought homosexuality only meant sex but I have learned otherwise as of late... me & my boyfriend are so in love and I've never been happied. It's true he's 10 years older than me, that scares a lot of people off but I'm still quite happy. We've been together for 8 months and the biggest thing we've ever done is make out and that helped me realize that gay relationships are just relationships, just because two guys are in it that doesn't mean there has to be sex (that's what I thought at first).
I really hope this helps at least one person re-think the whole situation and perhaps try to be more understanding, because everyday of my life I wake up to think of my 'secret' and that this could be my last day on earth if anyone finds out...
