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Forums - General Discussion - Girlfriend Advice

Baalzamon on 08 August 2014
VXIII said:

The way I see it, her kind of "issues" seems to be a true test of a relationship. Was there a reason that she couldn't figure out her "stuff" through this relationship ? Were you dominating her life that she needed a space ?

There is nothing wrong in having other priorities while you are committed to your partner. I'm not sure how to say this in english, but I always thought that a true relationship is a thing to figure out other things by. Not sure if that make sense.

Well, Focus on that CPA exam, seems to be the best thing to do.

I don't get the feeling I was dominating her life, but she has definitely had significant changes as a result of dating me, yes. I felt like I was extremely open with her progressing how she wanted to progress. 

But as I just said in my last post, how I interpreted, and how she interpreted it could be completely different. Perhaps she truly felt that it was me influencing who she ultimately became, and that isn't what she wanted. But I also told her that if we do stay friends, even as a friend, I will have an influence on her life still.



Money can't buy happiness. Just video games, which make me happy.

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Baalzamon on 08 August 2014

And keep in mind, despite me encouraging her to do a lot of things, she seemed to really struggle to actually do them while in a relationship (not even just our relationship, the same held true in her past relationships). She had so many things she would always talk about doing, but would never do, that she already has made a big list of and is working on accomplishing.

She has hung out with friends more in the past few days than she did the entire time we dated. I'm not even kidding.



Money can't buy happiness. Just video games, which make me happy.

NiKKoM on 08 August 2014

Man.. You make it almost sounds that for her.. it was just the sex part that didn't work out with you.. xD



 

Face the future.. Gamecenter ID: nikkom_nl (oh no he didn't!!) 

Baalzamon on 08 August 2014

That certainly could be it, but I never got that impression.



Money can't buy happiness. Just video games, which make me happy.

Ninsect on 08 August 2014
NiKKoM said:
Baalzamon said:

Yea, that was sort of my biggest concern about us ever even dating again in the future, is who is to say she won't just have some more issues, and once again say she needs to be single to deal with them.

I'll tell you kids a story out of NiKKoM's love life: I dated a girl ,a wonderfull one,  who was pretty close to her dad. The dad suddenly died. Unexpected. She was totally devasted, as was I and her family. the first few days were horrible. depressed, crying, couldn't eat. After a while her brothers and sisters dealt with it.. they were picking up their life.. but she didn't.. She didn't want to talk about it with me and stayed home every day. I wanted to  be with her be she wouldn't let me.. Now own my life was on a collision course with hers.. My job, my social life is still completely the oppossite of being home at 6.. So we had THE talk.. She didn't want me to stop living my life as I was used to so it seemed better to take a step back.. and when she was up to it she would contact me again..

The young me said "OK, if thats how you want to handle it.." cause I couldn't handle the coldness anymore.. Dumbest thing I ever said.. She went from bad to worse.. and her mother staged an intervention and she got a lot of meds to handle it.. We never got back together cause I moved on.. Thinking back about it, I was a fool, I should have dealt the problems with her if we truly loved each other.. Be there for her at her worst, relationship aren't just about the good times.. it's times like these that define it.. and we messed up..  I wasn't there and she didn't trust/love/have faith in me enough to let me in her emotions..

We still see each other from time to time but its not the same as before... while we actually nowadays talk more about our "new" relationships with all the doubts, feelings and issues surrounding them.. we know we failed each other at that time.. This is the time you two defines yours..

That was inspiring. I know a girl in a similar mental situation who I was getting pretty close to but then she started blocking me out due to being depressed all the time. I haven't stopped trying and this made me more sure I was doing the right thing :).



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