Forums - General Discussion - I beat up my step dad. Was I wrong in doing so? (Long read)

I really have no where to go to advice except here. Firstly, I'd like to point out I'm not a violent person and any fight or physical incident I've been in wasn't started by me. I've had problems with my step dad or well my mom's boyfriend since I don't think of him as a step father anymore for awhile. On and off for two years. In the beginning when he moved in with my family he was a real dick and rubbed me the wrong way. My sisters didn't like him either at the time.

The first incident we had was about two years ago or more. I looked outside and I saw him hit out dog so I was furious. I went to my mother and told her to tell him never to hurt the dog again. I had no problems confronting him when he got inside. I was damn near ready to beat his ass then and I told him he was a coward and to pick a fight with something that can fight back (the dog is a chihuahua too so this is pretty much a defenseless dog). He ultimately backed down and walked away then. 

Eventually as time passed I didn't dislike him as much and even got along with him at times. But maybe around a year or so after the first incident there was another. I don't remember the exact details but we have a indoor cat that isn't fixed and well you probably know what means. I was away from my room and the cat got in my room and peed. I had my room shut but he had opened the door. Now my cat did this in their room too which wasn't my fault but maybe he blamed me. 

So I go into my room and I'm livid. I yell out at him from my room and he laughs his ass off about it so I go out to confront him and demand he cleans up the mess. He refused but ultimately my mother made him do it and I watched as he took the beanie bag (thankfully wasn't on my ped) and he was bitching about how its not that big of a deal so again words with said. He ended up coming after me trying to take me down me on my bed which wasn't very successful or intimidating to me because I wasn't hurt at all while he was getting worn down just from trying to take my down.

He got away from me after a minute of attempting to do something and I think I may have wanted to fight but it was prevented then. Time goes on and for the most part we along okay and even well at times. We move later down the line and awhile after that I grew fed up with him over his bitching and false promises. That is one big issue. I can't count how many times he talked to me about our problems, asking me what he can help with like getting a car, my license, finding a job, etc and it was all false promises. 

Without going to deep into it, I've been through fucking hell in my life. Especially as a teenager with HORRIBLE acne that completely destroyed my self-esteem. So I never had the option to go driving during those years or cared enough to do out of my depression. So years down the line when I have put back together all the pieces again of course I want to learn how to drive, get a car and my license.

Originally, my mother took me driving a few times but that never worked out well because she complains about any little thing and at one time wouldn't even let me drive 5 mins to get back home and made me pull over when I came to an intersection (this was after I had a bit of experience so I knew what I was doing).

When we moved, my sisters moved and got their own place together so it was my mother, him and I. It was either she take me driving which I tried at first or he did. Eventually he did and he taught me a lot. More problems arised as I frequently am prone to a terrible sleeping pattern to insomnia so I would end up walking up late in the afternoon and to begin with I'm not exactly the type to go out and say can we go driving?

Whenever he offered we would go but eventually he stopped saying about it so I brought it up to him and I don't remember why but he said we couldn't do then and maybe we can go in the morning which didnt work with my annoying sleeping pattern. 

I grew fed up with him and went off on him (verbally). I told him he is the most annoying person I've ever met. It's harsh but when you live with someone like him and you're always home with him you would hear him talking to himself all the fucking time out loud. He acts like a child and can be very very annoying especially when I'd like to focus or even enjoy myself without hearing him all the time from the damn living room bitching about anything and many many times bitching at me indirectly but directed at me. 

Well, things worked out for the better then. He ended up letting me for a nice drive and we resolved our differences until he sold his car which infuriated me because I had just about no way to go driving since my mother never took me (I asked many times and always she told me to ask him) and my mother would work late into the afternoon so by the time she got home the would all settle down. As you can imagine I never asked him to take me driving with her car which I probably should have done.

I was used to his pathfinder though and was hopeful I could end up with it. After he sold that (it was to get money to help him pay for the mobile home but it wasn't the only option) I really held a grudge at him ever since. He sold his pathfinder only to end up buying another truck for himself. He didn't lose any money the truck was quite a bit cheaper than the pathfinder but it's pretty stupid to want to get some money only to end up spending a lot of it on another vechile.

So that really pissed me off because both him and my mother made excuses about needing some money when they went and spend some of it on another car anyways.

So, the truck has had problems. Enough problems apparently where he told me a few times I couldn't go out driving with it while it has problems which I waited and still it had problems and was the same excuse. I honestly didn't want to drive it anyways (I've never driven in a truck) but if he had ever offered me to at least go around the block with it, I would have. 

I've already written a ton so I'm going to conclude this. As I said before he has bitched to me out loud to himself many times and after everything that happened the few months while I was still pissed at him I talked to him here and there hopeful that things would change and he would keep his word to continue helping me out. Things didn't and the past month or so I've resorted to just ignoring him because i didn't want to talk to him.

It resulted in more harassing me. Nearly every day at least every other day I've heard him from my room saying shit to me without even actually having the balls to come directly say at me. Still, I ignored it all until yesterday when I reached my breaking point.

Around noon yesterday I heard him come back inside the house after downing something and of course he was bitching. Something about doing something all by himself, cutting down a tree or making wood. I don't know and don't care because I don't favors for nothing. I go about my own business, put my dishes in the dishwaster and take care of my own things. He would make dinner for us all and of course I would eat it after being invited to come out and eat because dinner was ready.

So, he was back inside and he was signing something bullshit telling me to go fuck myself. Not by name but directed at me since I don't know who else he could be talking too. I knew this was directed at me and I almost came out then. My mother called him and asked him to go out and get something. He was asked if we was mad and replied towards her with no only to go on bitching and raving after the call was over and peeled out of the drive way like a psycho.

I was annoyed and fed up with his bullshit so I called my mother told her what happened and told her to tell him to grow up and shut his mouth or I'll do it for him. He comes back, she calls and they talk and he lies and says to her no it wasn't about me.

The call ends and a minute later he is calling me out telling me to come confront him like a man instead of going to mommy so I stormed out to confront him and told him to shut his mouth or I was going to do it for him. Instead of shutting up he went on and on harassing me telling me to talk to him. I told him I didn't want to and he continued harrassing me telling me to be a man more or less.

I was close to hitting him but restrained myself and he still continued on with the harrassing me and I told him I respected my mother too much for this. I walked away to go back in my room but he was STILL continued harassing me so I walked over to him while he was sitting at his chair and punched him right in the face.

About 15 seconds later (I assume he was surprised) he flipped out and saying you hit me you little fucker and tried coming after me. Didn't exactly work out so well but he pushed me around a little and I went back after him as he continued harrassing me and beat the shit out of him. I stopped after a few punches and the harassing continued on and on saying I hit like a girl and that was nothing so I went back on a few times, stopped, he backed away breathing heavily saying it was nothing to which I said that's why you're breathing so heavily?

At this time he put his hands behind his back (maybe because he was afraid to actually fight me) naturally I stopped but he didn't stop harassing me I went after him again and had him nearly on his knees unable to do anything. At one point I heard him complain his shoulder was hurt (he has shoulder problems and lives off disability) and I stopped and he of course told me I'm pathetic and all kinds of bullshit.

At that time my mother finally got home and my nephew apparently was going to stay the night and I noticed him see it as he was beginning to walk inside. My mother came inside and broke it up. He left outside while I talked with my mother. She insisted I to talk to my nephew, him him and talk to him so I did and tried to before Eric was right out by the window heard him and storming right into the house after me with my mother right in between us.

He tried to come at me a few times but had trouble with my mother in between us. He walked back away a few minutes harassing me more and I responded of course defending myself and throwing insults right back at him. I called him a pussy few times and told him I see the fear in his eyes and he doesnt do anything because he can't. 

Our neighbor was outside by this time telling Eric to come outside but after one comment I made he stormed after me right throw my mother. I think he threw a few punches and he got me down on the floor by the cabinet as I was doing nothing to fight him because I didn't want to hurt my mother or scare my nephew even further. He was screaming when I slipped down to the floor and finally it all stopped. Eric went back outside and stayed outside until I left.

The police were called I explained the truth even admitting I threw the first punch but saying how it had been brewing for so long and told the cop how he came after me when I wasn't fighting him out of fear of scaring my nephew and hurting my mother. Neither of us got arrested and were left with a warning of if it happens again one of us or both is going to get arrested.

So, was I wrong?



Around the Network
And I expected a Spurgeonryan thread...

I'll actually read it now

I don't think you were wrong, but you should be more careful now. If another situation like this occurs and both of you have no witnesses the police will be more inclined to believe your stepfather, I think (especially if he is as weak as you describe him).

http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20111117170118/southpark/images/7/77/PabstBlueRibbonMcCormick.jpg



SIG2 (2) Week 1

I earned "Proof of Omega", killed the FF7 Weapons, attained "Big Boss" in the "Patriots", found and killed the Red Chocobo in FFXII, platinumed Killzone 2 and LBP. What you got bitch!? Huh?

I don't think so, your mother's boyfriend sounds like a dick

I had nearly the same problem but with an older cousin who was living with my grandmother and me. what you really have to to is move out(maybe stay with your sisters) or work had and find a place yourself. or get you sisters and have a conversation with your mother and tell her that you don't like him and it's not a healthy relationship; it seems liike it only a matter of time before his actions escalate torwards you and maybe even you mother.

Around the Network
well there can always be tensions between father and sons real and step/boyfriends,really you should do things for your mother as she will be living with him when you have moved on,you need to think of her i'd say

but don't know how old you are or him,being young can get crazy so i tend not to judge as i remember,not everyone gets things right

Can you go and get some outside help here to discuss things?



Yes you were. It's good that you provided some background, because it's clear that you don't like him and tend to provoke him. You seem to expect him to do things for you (driving lessons etc), which he has no obligation to do. Calling him names in front of your mother is also wrong. I'm sure she felt terrible.

You keep using the word "harassing", but from his point of you, you've been harassing him instead. You need to grow a thicker skin and ignore insults. Verbal abuse does not give you the right to keep beating up a person.

I don't know how old you are, but I suggest you either move in with your sisters or if you're old enough to get a place on your own. Your mother and her bf don't owe you anything.

Community

This may have been the most detailed description I've seen here in a while.

Just out of curiosity, how old are you and your step dad?

Around the Network

Get independent as soon as possible and move out.

That is all.