The Ghost of RubangB on 01 October 2009
September 30th, 2009. The Fox Theater in Oakland, California.
Kylie Minogue debuted her new show that she's now touring across the continent.
I was there, in the pit, close to the front.
SHORT VERSION: If the tickets aren't sold out in your area, do yourself a favor and go see the greatest living diva's first North American tour. I got lucky and they actually released some last minute tickets so I bought one 20 minutes before the doors opened. I can't recommend it enough. Kylie definitely dethroned Madonna musically and stylistically a long time ago, and now I can sincerely say that I have confirmed with my own two eyes that she is also a better performer and dancer. While Madonna's been doing horrible duets with Justin Timberlake and "having a new 'urban' sound," Kylie was doing duets with Nick Cave, and filling the disco diva void. Now, she's on fire, and this tour is the proof.
LONG VERSION (basically spoiling everything):
The curtains opened. Smoke blasted out. Lazers danced on the smoke. Then suddenly, A GIANT GOLDEN SKULL descended from the ceiling (I think Bowie did that in '87 for his Glass Spider Tour, but whatever). A fat beat dropped at the same time. Kylie appeared, standing upon the flying golden skull, wearing 4 or 5 boas per arm, flowing in every direction like some sort of Dr. Seuss character. Under those she wore a tight silver shiny space-showgirl outfit, and wore a miniature galaxy on her head, with miniature planets dangling in front of her face. She began to sing. The crowd nearly exploded. She stopped to say "Hi I'm Kylie!" and bite her finger. She instantly had the entire theater by the balls (and I mean that pretty literally, since somewhere between 90 and 99% of the crowd was men).
Backup dancers marched out under the skull in skintight silver bodysuits and space helmets and did robotic dance moves. At the end of the song, the skull finished its descent, the robots helped her down, surrounded her, and she went straight into "Speakerphone." The choreography got more intense with each song. Now the crowd of sexy robots hoisted her up and carried her around, and began to grab each other and toss each other over her head as she sang. And as if this wasn't enough, they went straight into "Come Into My World" and "In Your Eyes" as she did her own robotic dance moves while wailing and crooning.
Then the set and costumes changed. This was the first of many ridiculous transitions of the night. She performed "Shocked" from 1990, and had giant screens showing really cheesy 90s art, and giant neon text for the lyrics of the song. There were smiley faces and peace signs everywhere. The dancers came out in giant baggy tank tops and did cheesy 90s dance moves. I've never seen a performer have so much fun making fun of her old styles.
Then Kylie thanked us for waiting so long, told us we were all fabulous, and said she wanted to give us something special for waiting 20 years for her. So she debuted a song off her upcoming album that had never been performed before. It was all about being better every day, getting pumped up, and "what's the point of living if you're not gonna dance?".
The whole show was full of hilarious American culture jokes, but with Kylie flavor. She came back out dressed as a sailor, but of course she was a sexy diva sailor with an evening gown/sailor uniform, looking hotter than ever. (Oh, and she's way hotter in person, and somehow STILL getting sexier in her 40s.)
The set changed to a football setting, with the female dancers dressed as cheerleaders and the guys in flamboyant disco football outfits with shoulderpads covered in sequins. They were celebrating like they just won the big game, and Kylie came out and sang to celebrate.
Then she started repping her gay fanbase by showing what was almost gay porn. A giant screen came down and showed a beefcake in an American flag speedo taking a shower and scrubbing himself erotically. When the screen lifted, the stage had actually been turned into a gym shower room. False walls were brought in with showers and 4 hunky dancers in the flag speedos were miming cleaning themselves. Kylie came out on a pommel horse to sing my favorite song, "Red Blooded Woman," while the men put on towels and surrounded her. They then removed their towels and started doing a workout dance, where they did push-ups on top of each other, picked each other up and did mid-air sit-ups while clutching each other with their legs. This must have been the gayest stuff I've ever seen. Then they held up their hands and she walked from hand to hand while singing, 6 or so feet in the air hovering across the stage. Then they helped her down and she knocked them over, and started walking on their backs. She owned these men. During this song she even medley'd into the chorus of "Where the Wild Roses Grow," her duet with Nick Cave, and then went back into "Red Blooded Woman" to take it home.
She turned the whole show into a lounge act where she lay on a giant gold couch with lion statues for armrests, while she sang "White Diamond." Then one of the dancers came out pretending to be a fan asking for a photograph, and she turned him down. Then she sang "Confide in Me" while doing this really angry dance with him. They fought and flailed and she threw him on the ground and cried while she sang her sad song of sorrow. Then at the end, a bunch of hunky Roman gladiators marched out and stood triumphantly beside her for no reason.
She even rocked out with Power Rangers.
Kylie Minogue debuted her new show that she's now touring across the continent.
I was there, in the pit, close to the front.
SHORT VERSION: If the tickets aren't sold out in your area, do yourself a favor and go see the greatest living diva's first North American tour. I got lucky and they actually released some last minute tickets so I bought one 20 minutes before the doors opened. I can't recommend it enough. Kylie definitely dethroned Madonna musically and stylistically a long time ago, and now I can sincerely say that I have confirmed with my own two eyes that she is also a better performer and dancer. While Madonna's been doing horrible duets with Justin Timberlake and "having a new 'urban' sound," Kylie was doing duets with Nick Cave, and filling the disco diva void. Now, she's on fire, and this tour is the proof.
LONG VERSION (basically spoiling everything):
The curtains opened. Smoke blasted out. Lazers danced on the smoke. Then suddenly, A GIANT GOLDEN SKULL descended from the ceiling (I think Bowie did that in '87 for his Glass Spider Tour, but whatever). A fat beat dropped at the same time. Kylie appeared, standing upon the flying golden skull, wearing 4 or 5 boas per arm, flowing in every direction like some sort of Dr. Seuss character. Under those she wore a tight silver shiny space-showgirl outfit, and wore a miniature galaxy on her head, with miniature planets dangling in front of her face. She began to sing. The crowd nearly exploded. She stopped to say "Hi I'm Kylie!" and bite her finger. She instantly had the entire theater by the balls (and I mean that pretty literally, since somewhere between 90 and 99% of the crowd was men).
Backup dancers marched out under the skull in skintight silver bodysuits and space helmets and did robotic dance moves. At the end of the song, the skull finished its descent, the robots helped her down, surrounded her, and she went straight into "Speakerphone." The choreography got more intense with each song. Now the crowd of sexy robots hoisted her up and carried her around, and began to grab each other and toss each other over her head as she sang. And as if this wasn't enough, they went straight into "Come Into My World" and "In Your Eyes" as she did her own robotic dance moves while wailing and crooning.
Then the set and costumes changed. This was the first of many ridiculous transitions of the night. She performed "Shocked" from 1990, and had giant screens showing really cheesy 90s art, and giant neon text for the lyrics of the song. There were smiley faces and peace signs everywhere. The dancers came out in giant baggy tank tops and did cheesy 90s dance moves. I've never seen a performer have so much fun making fun of her old styles.
Then Kylie thanked us for waiting so long, told us we were all fabulous, and said she wanted to give us something special for waiting 20 years for her. So she debuted a song off her upcoming album that had never been performed before. It was all about being better every day, getting pumped up, and "what's the point of living if you're not gonna dance?".
The whole show was full of hilarious American culture jokes, but with Kylie flavor. She came back out dressed as a sailor, but of course she was a sexy diva sailor with an evening gown/sailor uniform, looking hotter than ever. (Oh, and she's way hotter in person, and somehow STILL getting sexier in her 40s.)
The set changed to a football setting, with the female dancers dressed as cheerleaders and the guys in flamboyant disco football outfits with shoulderpads covered in sequins. They were celebrating like they just won the big game, and Kylie came out and sang to celebrate.
Then she started repping her gay fanbase by showing what was almost gay porn. A giant screen came down and showed a beefcake in an American flag speedo taking a shower and scrubbing himself erotically. When the screen lifted, the stage had actually been turned into a gym shower room. False walls were brought in with showers and 4 hunky dancers in the flag speedos were miming cleaning themselves. Kylie came out on a pommel horse to sing my favorite song, "Red Blooded Woman," while the men put on towels and surrounded her. They then removed their towels and started doing a workout dance, where they did push-ups on top of each other, picked each other up and did mid-air sit-ups while clutching each other with their legs. This must have been the gayest stuff I've ever seen. Then they held up their hands and she walked from hand to hand while singing, 6 or so feet in the air hovering across the stage. Then they helped her down and she knocked them over, and started walking on their backs. She owned these men. During this song she even medley'd into the chorus of "Where the Wild Roses Grow," her duet with Nick Cave, and then went back into "Red Blooded Woman" to take it home.
She turned the whole show into a lounge act where she lay on a giant gold couch with lion statues for armrests, while she sang "White Diamond." Then one of the dancers came out pretending to be a fan asking for a photograph, and she turned him down. Then she sang "Confide in Me" while doing this really angry dance with him. They fought and flailed and she threw him on the ground and cried while she sang her sad song of sorrow. Then at the end, a bunch of hunky Roman gladiators marched out and stood triumphantly beside her for no reason.
She even rocked out with Power Rangers.
Not only were all the costume and set changes amazing and hilarious and plentiful, but the music was great. In particular, "Slow" was rearranged into some crazy hard rock jam with blistering guitar solos. I hope this tour version gets released as a remix or something, or she puts out a tour album after this, because that version was catchy as all hell. For "2 Hearts" she brought out a brass trio that just partied all over the bassline with her.
The whole time I was wondering what she'd do with "The Loco-Motion," since it was her first huge hit, and was one of her only 2 hits to break into the U.S. market. I figured she had to play it, but this far into the set it would just seem so out of place. She was mostly playing stuff from her last 3 albums, and several medleys, and everything had a consistent mood and groove going on (aside from the bizarre seemingly random costumes and sets at some points). I thought "The Loco-Motion" would just be an awkward break in the set at this point. But she had all the dancers come out in lingerie, and broke it down into a slow funky burlesque version, and made it feel fresh and new all over again.
And while the whole night was perfectly choreographed and every movement was planned and perfected, Kylie was still able to make it feel intimate and fun. She grabbed a "♥s KYLIE" license plate from a fan in the front of the pit, about 10 feet in front of me, and waved it around while singing and doing her next dance routine. Then after the song she went out of her way to put it somewhere safe. Thousands of gay hearts in the crowd melted at once.
It was the greatest show I've seen in my life. It even blew away Devo, Kraftwerk, and Björk. And those were some damn good shows. She even puts on a better show than David Bowie, and that actually physically pains me to type.
On the train full of Kylie fans that took us home, everybody was talking about the show. One guy said he'd seen "every Madonna concert ever" and that this was his first Kylie concert, and she blew Madonna away.
America, when Kylie comes knocking, you better listen. This is the world's greatest pandemic of a diva, and she's here to stay. All these 20-something vadge-flashing hoochies can say goodnight. The Queen has arrived.
