hates pichu!

This one time when she was baby sitting for me (my wife and I went to watch Constantine) she thought it would be funny to mess with this neighbor kid down the street when is extremely anemic, like a paper cut could cause him to bleed out and die.

Well she gets my daughter to go to bed and tucks her in (I do have to give her props b/c she remembered to take the baby monitor and made sure she was safe) and walks down to his house

Now this kid is like one step above Bubble Boy, he has to wear a special belt that has an emergency beeper on it (from what I hear it beeps the local 911 and lets them know he is in trouble, Kinda Like Life Alert) as well as some supplies for various tourniquets----well his parents weren’t home and she rings his bell

A few smooth words later, and I am sure flash of skin, she is in his house and backing him into a chair….she as calmly “would you like to play a game big guy” , now I don’t know about you guys but when I was a kid f a girl put me in this position I would have done what this kid did….”yes please” (side note, sadly I was the fat kid growing up and the only thing girls ever did to me was laugh at the fact I had bigger boobs then they did ….i hate my childhood…)

Well once she conned him into the chair she pull out a roll of duct tape from the bag she had brought and before you could say “bob, who is my uncle, please let me out of this closet and back into the light. I has been three years since my father and mother feel on some bullets you happen to fire at them. I swear I wont tell the police that you have made my life into nightmares that even satan would cry from….if you wont let me out can you at least give me something to eat that you haven’t first eaten then vomited back up…please for all that is holy have mercy on me” strapped to the chair and his belt on the floor….

I think it was at this point he realized something was very wrong, well either that or the fact that she was pulling out a ball gag and telling him it is to silence the screams might have done it….

But she has him restrained and walks over to where the family keeps some cooking knives---sadly for him he could see her take the knife and dull the blade…

But now with butcher knife in hand she walks back over and proceeded to torment him with stories about how she could hide his body and all his parents would ever find is a bloody spot on the carpet…the whole time tracing the knife over his skin….

This goes on for a few hours with each story getting more depraved and twisted…and I think it could have gone on longer but my daughter was waking up from her nap and she knew she would have to get back to take care of the baby, so she pulls the ball gag out of his mouth and leans in to give him a little kiss on the cheak and say “if you tell anyone what I have done here I will make it my goal in life to find every thing you have ever cared about and burn it to the ground kicking and screaming….from there remains I will scoup a little ash up and when I finally get back to you I will chock you with a ball of hot wax and ash so that you die from the ones you love…okay kitten?


I only found out about all of this b/c soon after he went crazy and was flinging his own poop at his mm while babbling about this…but since they assumed he was crazy from the life he had to live, you know the bubble boy thing, they assumed he was lying….however 4 days after he was committed his house burned down with his parent in it still….all they found of the bodies was some ash…so ehhh I am sure it was a freak thing ya know?

brump brump bump

is a nerd!

So last week I get a call from her and she say s “Hey mesoteto can you teach me how to drive a car I have some business to take care of out of town…its just burning me up to not be able to get it done ( see above post for the reference she was trying to make)”

So I agree to give her some pointers and such ( I know I am bad she is a kid and all but wouldn’t you help the devil out if he need a hand ( and implied he would destroy everything you love in flames if not)

So she comes over and is all ready ( it was kinda sweet she had a tape recorded to catch notes, a pen and paper , and three books on driving safely, I kidded her about it and says she always puts this much effort into anything she wants to do, “b/c if its worth doing it worth doing right, and its worth doing so you cant have a trail of evidence or witness” (the last part is further proof that either I helped or my family would hurt)

So a few hours later I had her banking turns, and cursing down the free way (while making signs to cops begging for help (Invis I pt this in as a joke please leave my family alone), well once she had that down she wanted to try some city driving, so I steered her towards a back road that led into downtown.


Well being a young teenage girl she decides it will be cool if she tries texting while driving---(parents don’t let your kids, or for that matter do it yourself)


BOOOM is all we can hear followed by an old lady screaming…yep she plowed right over one


Well I start freaking out think , well I don’t have to worry about her taking my family away b/c hell the cops will do that for me

When she calmly pulls over and walks back to the lady

“ahh I am sorry mama I didn’t see you”, the old lady has deer in the head lights look on her face and with a broken jaw ( I assume from the falll) she cant even get a mumbling scream out

“its okay maa I can take the pain away”, well then she starts kicking her, and I mean she should be playing for Manchester United (for the brits out there) just blow after blow, I had to look away at this point b/c I was going to be ill…..

Well this beating goes on for another 10 minutes before the tuff old bird finally gives in ( thank god I could have swear that with each kick a little of my soul died as well)

She grabs up her purse and comes back to the car all excited , “hey look she ad almost 2 hundred dollars in there, nice I think I can use it to get some new shoes…mine are all icky now. Also can you drive me home I am kinda tired now…ohh and can we stop by Burger King I am kinda hungry after all that”

I am totally floored by this, I start stammering about the body and the cops…

Calmly she holds up a hand and says” relax I did this with d21lewis last week, they will think she was just robbed and beaten real bad, look there is no damage to your car, there is nothing of us left here…and her purse is gone…robbery…it will be fine”


Hahaha…okay I joke in all seriousness I have never been prouder of her…….i told her to take the purse , after all I got to …I mean please help my family




(in all seriousness i feel kinda bad no one else has posted...)

was walking down the street today, he saw a gameshop, so he walked inside. then on a shelf he thought he saw killzone2, he was so surprized that he had a heart attack and died! so he became a ghost. so then he went to the same gameshop, he thought he saw dead space 4 wii so he had a heart attack and became alive

@mesoteto: How can anyone, when they're busy reading your marvelous writing? Your stories turned this thread arround from a spam thread, to a legendary one.

Okay let me tell you about the first time I met Johann (and also why I cant go back to brazil)

So I was having a blast down in Brazil, probably having to much fun then what is safely covered by the law, but I mean hammering shot after shot of Whiskey and Tequila. Well pretty soon I am wearing a this huge hat and dancing around and around with out my pants on. Now I am no Brad Pitt, but I am not half bad. And due to the almost toxic levels of alcohol in my blood I failed to notice this guy at the bar eyeing me, similar to how a lion might eye a zebra from across the plains. You know, that hungry look that say “I could eat you as much as watch you run in the sun”

But anyways I am whooping it up, cant speak a lick of anything but English, and singing out the song lyrics that everyone else was…or at least I was until I passed out and fell over a bar railing into this trough. Well I wake up and I am chained to a chair in some dark room with out my pants ( I wasn’t naked mind you I was actually in some cameo shorts with a t shirt on. This freaked me out a bit and i tried to move some , man big mistake, I was hung over to the point of almost passing back out, But I did get a few shoots out before becoming violently ill  next to the chair.

Well he comes walking into the room with this big smile on his face, the same smile the devil might have worn if Jesus had bowed down before him in service. It sent a chill up my spine while mesmerizing me. Like a moth to the flame I could feel my self on the precept of getting pulled into something huge that would either end with me getting burned by the flame, or becoming part of it and being stronger for that fact.

“hello my new American friend.” He said calmly, “ I see you have been enjoying my country with a passion, yes a wonderful passion I rarely see anymore”

I think I mumbled something along the lines of “yeah its great, who are you and what am I doing here”

He chuckled at this, an odd sound, like a bell being drummed lightly. Maybe it was the booze still in my system, I don’t know, but that little laugh while putting other on guard only seemed to sooth my angst. “Don’t worry my friend I am here to let you out” From his pocket me pulled a ring of keys , and with a few graceful motion had me free from my bonds. He seem to be oblivious to the stink of my sickness from before, and taking a deep breath exclaimed “ahh yes, I can smell the adventure we will have together, cant you Eric (this really surprised me as to how he could know my real name and not just Mesoteto)”

Again as if almost lost for words I took a quick breath and said “yeah adventure…mmm smells like old whisky vomit”

He laughed that strange sounding cadence again

“Come there is much to do before the police find you,  after all we can t have my star pupil go to jail before he is ready can we”

“wait star pupil, what do you mean, I haven’t …what police…I cant remember…what is going on? Was all I could stammer back at him.

“ohh don’t worry I wont let anything happen to you, you have to carry on when I am gone young blood” He calmly lead me out of my room and down a hall lined with doors. Do you know the old saying “curiosity killed that cat” well I am a firm believer that the rest of that saying has more meaning “ but knowledge brought him back”

I peered under Johann coaching to look into the first room. What I saw should have caused my bowel to void and the pit of hell to swallow me up for just witnessing the horror. Two women were buried up to their arm pits in the soft soil of the cell room floor. At least I think it was soil, all I could tell of it was that is was grainy and soaked red with blood. The girls had been mutilated almost beyond holding resemblance to humans, If not for his instruction I would have thought they were simply mounds of rotten hamburger.

But like I said before, I should have been horrified at what I saw but instead I was oddly satisfied. My god why was I satisfied from such a display of pain, of cruelty.

“ohh don’t looked so pleased with your work, you have much to learn yet under my care. Still I am pleased that you can just barley tell the difference between mine and yours”

“but how is this. I don’t remember doing this, I couldn’t I ..i am a good man I couldn’t do this”  I staggered back as if punched in the stomach. I did not know how but I knew he was telling the truth, how else could I feel the pride I was unless this work came from my own hand. Johann simply stared at me with cold eyes and that smile, “ ohh I am sorry I had to use so much of the drugs on you, don’t worry young blood the memories will come back. But I had to drug you it was all I could do to stop you from killing more then the 12 I had ready for you, after all I couldn’t let you take all of my playthings. But I digress, quickly we must get you out of the country”

The next hour passed in a blur. I can vaguely remember getting out of the cellar and being led into a rather nice villa, then it was on a private jet and back to my own country and waking up in my own bed.

For a few days I thought it was a dream and that some how I had  just gotten on the plane back to the country drunk and made up the whole thing, well that was until he called a few days ago and invited me back down…

Likes to bump bump bump this thread!

just a tiny one but,

i kid you not this is him after i gave hima bottle of vodka last christmas