once built a fake toliet at a retirement home so he could climb in spy on the old ladies ans they went number 1 or number 2 (really he was hoping for both)

but tragically misread the sign above the door and installed his secret box in the mens room



oddly enough he found h e couldnt look away and was fasnitated with how the older male body looks in the act of a duce


thus prompting me from banning him from my house and returning that odd shaped laundry hamper he gave to my mom




but that gift is another story waiting to be told, but let me hint this, its now the reason you cant ride a horse while wearing only assless chaps down an indiana street....

Awesome my thread is back, time to laugh!

@Mesoteto, that story about your "friend" and the little kid was f-ed up lol

OT: Once removed a turbin off some ones head just to see what they were hiding :o

Offered me oral sex in exchange for McDonald's hot apple pie.

I told him that I didn't mind buying him one for free.

Then he offered me oral sex in exchange for me opening the door for him.

He was surprisingly bad at oral sex.

Has aids

Has one really big foot and one tiny foot but wears normal shoes on both feet to hide his secret shame.

when we were in middle school he once took all of the tampons in the girls bathroom opened them a ittle and then left some of his fresh "little" soldiers on the end of each applicator

Went to the beach, but didn't have a bathing suit so he wore a disposable diaper........with Dora the Explorer printed on it.

so this one time while we were waiting in line at Burger King ( I was just in some jeans a t-shirt he was on lunch break and was in his police uniform) he noticed that this old Chinese lady was just coming into the restaurant, he tapes my arms and goes “hey check this out”)

now having previous experience with this sort of thing and him I knew something bad was about to happen and I prayed to god that the security camera on the wall was fake (it was and thank you for that one god)

he steps out of line and walks over to the door and hold it open for the lady----I should have know he couldn’t do anything even remotely nice, but as the lady
is walking by him he lets out this huge fart, I mean glass rattling you better wipe kinda thing……

and to top it off he yells out----“god dam slant eyes, smells like you just crapped a bowl full of noodles into your pants…..geeze its no wonder your knog brothers lost the war , theres no way to hide with crap like that coming out….*HAHAHa*---you have to do that hah like a horse would laugh b/c that how it sounded


by now the whole restaurant is looking over at him and I am trying to just melt into the wall praying that no one will notice I came in with him

but here is where it gets really bad

so the little old lady is all like “insert oriental sounding words* and he just stares at her for a min then goes, what did you say to me…..

now the situation could have been better if the old lady had not decide at that moment to spit at him, ( I know she was justified but he loves when crap like that happens b/c he get to “be a dick cop”


so he pulls out his can of mace and blasts her right in the face—I mean not even three feet away and just holds the button down sending a stream of that crap right into her face….i mean come on it’s a little old lady that had to at least be 80’s

but anyways she is coughing and sputtering when he takes hi night stick and bashes her in the knee then flops down on her and starts cuffing her, drags her out to his car and throws her in the back (she is still coughing and such)

he comes back in and then calmly walks up to the counter and says ”give me a number 2 and a litter of cola”

His grandmother broke a hip because he forced her to play wii fit.

I blame wii fit

One time wile driving to his parents house for the weekend he picked up a hitchhiking old man….

He then proceeded to drive to the middle of the woods where he forced himself upon the old man then buried him up to his neck in a river sand bank and told him, “good luck swimming out from here when the water rises after the nest rain….if your still alive at that time”

As soon as he got to his parents he had a nice bowl of Oreo ice cream and acted like nothing happened