Xbox 360 is the next shitty version of Microsoft's Xbox, as well as the first videogame console designed specifically to not work at playing games. It contends with Nintendo's Wii, Sony's Playstation 3, and the Atari 2600 with a shiny MSRP of $9,001 (a fraction of the price of the PS3). The Xbox 360 is currently out-selling the PS3, but is doing worse than the Wii because every five-year-old girl, senior citizen, and azn bought two or three. This new generation of the Ecks Bawks has had massive game sales with such titles as Bioshock, Gears of War, and Halo 3 (moar liek Biocock, Queers of War, and Gaylo 3, amirite?). Also, it should be noted that the Xbox 360 has a shorter life expectancy than the average African. Anywhere from 99 to 100 percent of 360 consumers have fallen victim to the infamous Red Ring of Death and scratched discs.
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[edit] Xbox 360 hardware failures
Xbox 360 is the greatest hardware failure in mankind's memory, as it was released with a poor design that makes you play against the odds when you buy one. 1 out of every 3 Xbox 360's sold will totally fail on its owner (or more). The unassuming patron will then attempt to send his 360 back to Microsoft under the 3 year warranty, only to realize that his modded system is void. This will cause him to start his life from scratch for having to get a new one (or alternatively, get IRL B&). And even those nerds that do send their systems back to Microsoft have to wait up to a month to get a new system, forcing them to do things other than play videogames, such as interact socially with other people. As a "solution," Microsoft released the Elite edition, which has some new shit that nobody cares about, but still suffers the Red Ring of Death. It also features a black, PS3 wannabe skin, which gives Microsoft even moar lulz out of their retarded customers as their 360s die. However, Bill Gates isn't laughing anymore after finding out that the 360's hardware problems will cost him over one billion USD. [1]
[edit] XBOX 360 Fanboys
Xbos 360 fanboys are known for their low IQs and aggression. If one is not on IRC trolling #ps3 chans, it is probably going out of its way to make shitty montages on YouTube to show people how its shitty, unreliable console beats the others. YouTube is filled with the lousy videos and songs of 360 fanboys (See "How to Kill a Brand" by some idiot who obviously can't sing). They also like to spam PS3 videos with their idiocy, writing with as much skill as a dinosaur with a typewriter. While PS3 fans also follow this mentality, most of them know how to spell "you" properly and actually try to BACK UP their arguments. They also are obsessed with spelling words out extra long in ALL CAPS. A common quote from an Xbox 360 fanboy is, "NOOOOOOOOOO XBOOOOXXX 360 ISSS SOOOOOOOO MUUUUCCCHHH BEEEETTTTTERRRR FUUUCCCKKK PLAAYSTATIONNN THREEE. They also like to fap to Master Chief and go on about Halo 3, the most overrated shooter in history.
Xbox fanboys are also known for assaulting PS3 fanboys during discussions and later stating that the other was "tlking shit bout xbox liev," even if the person was only admitting to liking another console.
Xbox 360 fanboys also buy their competition's consoles (used) and try to get their hit games in their hands as soon as possible so their can write 1/10 reviews and put them on Gamefaqs.
[edit] Why call it the 360?
There are many theories as to why Microsoft decided to call it the 360 instead of just Xbox 2.
Some would have you think that it is because they thought Xbox 2 would sound inferior to Playstation 3, Sony's upcoming game console. Of course, this is Microsoft we're talking about, so we're not going to give them that much credit. Instead, we'll say that this was their attempt at ripping off the name of Nintendo's new system, then codenamed the 'Revolution'. 360 is the number of degrees in a full rotation, therefore it could be called a revolution, amirite? How craptacular of you, Bill Gates. A related theory is that the '360' is meant to imply that the device is a 'revolution' in console gaming - This is very likely as only pussy-starved nerds like Bill Gates could equate safe, comfortable video games with ZOMG COOL BURNING DEATH CHE GUEVARRA LULZ.
However, a rapidly growing theory is that it took Bill Gates 359 prototypes to get it right.
And yet another theory is that its called 360 because they wanted to turn the original Xbox's shitiness around 360 degrees... or 180 degrees... or whatever... meaning they knew the flaws of the Xbox but did nothing to fix them in any way.
[edit] When you see it...
And still yet another theory exists; this one probably the most popular of the bunch. The complex thought process of this theory can be easily summed up in the following lines:
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Why do they call it the Xbox 360? Because when you see it, you'll turn 360 degrees and walk away. |
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—Oh, snap! 0wn3d! |
There are two sides to the debate surrounding this theory, based on the individual's reaction to the above hypothesis. Party one, composed of retards and trolls, believes this to be both a reasonable assumption and a great insult to 360 fanboys. The other party contests that turning 360 degrees would leave you still facing the console, and that the correct rotation is actually 180 degrees [2]. This side of the argument is composed of intelligent individuals and those too stupid to realize they've been trolled.
This unassailable argument has become something of a meme on the internet (and a very annoying one at that), most notably on 4chan, the home of irritating, retarded memes. It started on 4chan's videogame board, but soon spread like a California wildfire to other boards. Experts are still unable to determine if the original post was made by a fucking moron or a clever troll. All that is known is that people continue to post this message in hopes of stirring up drama, even months after the meme has gone out of style.
There are many amusing responses and counters to this trolling attempt. For instance, it is never stated that the viewing party cannot "moonwalk" away from the console. So, "When you see it, you'll turn 360 degrees and moonwalk away." It is also never stated whether you were directly facing the console when you saw it, or whether you happened to catch a glimpse out of you peripheral vision. A couple alterations include:
"Why do they call it the PS3? Because when you see it, you'll turn 3 degrees and walk slightly askew."
and
"Why do they call it the Atari 2600? Because when you see it, you'll turn 2600 hundred degrees, be extremely dizzy, and possibly vomit."
and
"Why do they call it the Wii? perhaps when you see it you piss on it and walk in the same direction over it"
As well as any other devastatingly witty variations you can think up. Of course, the most effective response when faced with this situation is to simply call the OP a faggot, turn 360 degrees, and walk away from your computer.
[edit] XBLA
When you get on XBox Live you have the option to buy old and indie games through the XBL Marketplace. However, nobody wants to pay for them since you can get most of them OTI for free through emulation and torrents. Also, the controller is gay for 2D games, but gamers will do anything for achievement points. This is done in their attempt to get a bigger e-penis, but they don't know that it only helps to tell the world how much life they don't have.
[edit] Why it r0x0rz
The 360 is almost compatible with the original Xbox (if you either spend the extra $150 on the '1337 edition or buy the hard drive separately). It can also play games OTI (if you either spend the extra $150 on the '1337 edition or buy the hard drive separately). It overheats if you look at it funny, meaning you can use it as a space heater or toaster oven in a pinch. It uses enough power to light New York for a month. [3] If you touch it while it's on, it will gouge holes in your disk, which is cool if you're like trying to ruin that furry watersports DVD you bought while you were drunk. And, like, they totally have Halo for it.
It makes up for lack of features and backwards compatibility by looking super awesome (like a Mac). Microsoft realized that Apple had been getting away with selling shitty hardware for years by making it sleek and shiny and copied the secret viral transparent beveled button theme. Coming soon: New HD-DVD player add on. Now you can watch your furry watersports sick shit in High-Definition! Lol not anymore, thanks, Blu Ray!
Additionally, the Xbox 360 can pour coffee and make its own gravy, even though the official website claims it doesn't.
[edit] lol Xbox is small
Responding to complaints that the original Xbox was the size of an average planetary system, Microsoft engineered their new Xbox to appear svelte, slim and shiny.
Then they gave it a power supply roughly the size of Jupiter (Moar liek JEWpiter, amirite?). Good work Bill. This power supply has caused much lulz in that it gets incredibly hot, melts CDs and stops functioning. This has caused a great deal of distress amongst Xbox fanboys everywhere.
These advancements have made manufacturing difficult, leading to a shortage of the Xbox 360. In fact, the only ones manufactured were intended for Bill Gates' adopted children, but the truck was hijacked by angry gamers en route to Washington. When they found that the rumored Fable: Yaoi Edition was not on board, the truck was diverted to Best Buys across the country, and no units have been manufactured since.
[edit] Xbox 360 in the news
As anyone who has ever been within a thirty mile radius of an Xbox 360 knows, there is a deafening boom of an atomic explosion upon turning it on. In California, a young child was apparently killed by his 360 after turning it on. In this account, his parents describe the horrifying sight:
"We heard the usual explosion as little Conner turned on his Xbox, but the screams were much louder than normal... We rushed downstairs to see what was happening, only to witness the onerous monster devouring our child alive..."
However, not all press is bad. Recently, King Leonidas of SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA bought a 360 and has not stopped praising its truly "SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN (sic)" gaming experience. He enjoyed slaughtering hordes of Locusts in Gears of War on coffee breaks between slaughtering hordes of Persians.
Of course, it's plainly becoming more and more evident that this console is no laughing matter.
[edit] Microsoft does it for the lulz
In a stunning display of lulz-worthy trollage, Microsoft revealed at E3 last Thursday that they bought the rights to Square Enix's upcoming title "Final Fantasy 13". This game was intended to be a Sony exclusive, but Microsoft, wishing to inflict massive damage, took away its most anticipated exclusive. This has led to an enormous amount of butthurt and faggotry from PS3 fanboys, most of whom immediately began tying nooses to their ceiling fans. Across gaming forums all over America, a tidal wave of BAWW swept over everything, destroying them as it went. Nothing of value was lost.
[edit] What To Do With Your 360
[edit] Xbox: The Gayening
On November 19, 2008 - a day that will forever live in infamy - Microsoft released NXE, a mandatory patch that instantly transformed Xboxes around the world into steaming piles of fail. The sleek, efficient interface that gamers worldwide had come to know and love had been replaced by a maze of vague menus and advertisements. Initial estimates show that millions of gamers have already an heroed when they found that their beloved XBox had apparently been replaced by a shitty Wii emulation.
Actually its cencyclopediadramatica.com lol
