OK, last time I needed help with coming up with a thesis for a paper on the film The Pianist.  Now I ask a much larger task, evaluating the crapiness of my current paper.  My main gripe with it thus far is how it seems to be more of a plot summary than an analysis in conjunction with my thesis, and I was wondering what you guys think about that.

Some notes:

1. THIS IS NOT MY BEST WRITING (I say this in defense of my ego, and not much else).

2. I hate my thesis.

3. This is still a work in progress.  Also, paragraphs 2 and 3 are actually one huge paragraph in reality.

4. On my word program, I have several phrases and words bolded, because they are disgusting.  If you find yourself cringing on a particular part, it was probably bolded originally (again, for my ego).

5. Sorry about how long it is. Actually, it'll be 2 paragraphs more when I'm done, so you're lucky.

Much appreciation for anyone who drags themselves through it.  So without further ado, I expose my soul to the world and present my work (which isn't my best):

During the Nazi occupation of Warsaw during World War II, the Jewish Poles suffered really badly.  One of the more horrifying events of the war, the German forces systematically degenerated the Jewish population, a degradation which eventually led to the mass deportation and murder of all but 20 Jews to concentration and extermination camps.  Like many such events in the war, this one inspired film maker Roman Polanski to recreate and tell the horror and emotional suffering endured by the populace.  Polanski’s film, The Pianist, examines the sufferings and experiences of the musician Wladyslaw Szpilman during Warsaw’s occupation.  Polanski masterfully employs scenery, brutality, and music to perfectly portray the emotional experiences of Szpilman, bringing the tragic, and eventual victoriousness, of the event to tremendous potency.
    Throughout the film, Polanski uses both color and architecture to parallel the moods of Szpilman during German invasion and his place in it.  The first scene in the film shows Szpilman playing the piano an elegant-looking studio in a radio station. Pronounced, definite colors paint the scene; the mood is good.  A few moments into the scene explosions begin to rock the building, jarring Szpilman.  Then a wall explodes, unleashing a heavy cloud of gray dust that coats everything, marking the first indication of the horrors ahead. After the initial scare, color quickly returns as Szpilman adjusts to the Nazi occupation, casting off rumors and threats of Jewish discrimination regulations by the new government as mere nuisances or small things, deciding that he and everyone else were safe. 

As the intentions of the Nazis become more apparent, culminating in a scene in which an officer punches Szpilman’s old father for not bowing, the gray cloud of dust in the studio mutes the entirety of the film; Szpilman begins to realize how bad things really are.  Soon thereafter, the Germans force all the Jews into a single district of the city.  Here rooms are noticeably smaller, and more crowded.  The theme continues.  As Szpilman is torn away from his family and forced to hide, rooms become smaller and smaller, colors grayer and less pronounced.  The changes continue as Szpilman goes from hopeful situations to horrid ones and back.  After a forced return to the ghettos of Warsaw, after the deportation of his family and murders of many of his friends, drabness comes full-force.  In the lifeless and empty Jewish section, gray and black dominate every inch of the city. Szpilman himself turns pale and sickly after days of starvation.  Finally, after scrounging for food and water for many days, the hopelessness is broken with the befriending of a kindly German officer who brings him food and allows him to hide.  Once the Nazi’s are forced to leave Warsaw because of the Soviet army, the officer gives Szpilman a parting gift of a coat a meal.  The jam on the bread is a vibrant red, for hope has returned.
    The unflinching portrayal of the shocking brutality and dehumanizing acts of the Nazi officers give strength to the emotions of the film.  In the aforementioned scene of the officer striking Szpilman’s father, it was indicated that no awareness of such an act was present.  No rules or decrees had been issued to the Jews on showing “respect”; the officer simply expected it.  In another scene, officers purposely dump an old man out a high window onto the street for failing to rise when they entered.  In still another scene, a Jewish woman asks innocently where they’re being taken, and receives a bullet in the forehead for an answer.  Every instance of Nazi cruelty (which all were witnessed by Szpilman) exudes such attitudes from the officers; no warning, no restraint.  In addition to the degradation, an ever present and pervasive fear accompany the Jews.  Polanski chooses not to play any music during these scenes, which adds to the shock.

This isn't my best.

I should know better than to make a thread that late.

Okay, listen up. first off, you have to work on your vocab. The first sentence is so cliched that it hit me in the face like a wet bag full of mice. Terribly bland. Try tremendously or something like that, not "really badly". Other than that, try using more fancy words, that always looks good, and by doing so you will eventually learn them. More synonyms!

Second, your thesis is accurate but you should also point out, that most of the most depressing scenes take place during the evening or during bad weather, which adds to the dark and saddening mood of the movie. Take into account the months that the scenes take place in, winter, autumn etc and follow up on this in your paper.

Architecture is only a follow up, when the movie begins, the city is in perfect state, but as time goes by, the occupation takes it's toll on the city. The walls are full of gunshot marks, many buildings are destroyed. all this goes up to the point where the whole city was destroyed by Nazi bombardments in 44'. You can use this in your paper as further acknowledgment for you thesis.

Also, one clarification, Szpilman didn't know what the Nazi's were doing with his family and friends, ergo he didn't know that the germans had total annihilation planned for the jews. It is a historic fact that many jews thought that still believed that would be spared when they were mounted into the trains that would take them to Auschwitz and other such places.

Okay, that's enough as far as tips go, here comes the (constructive) bashing.

You are making a plot summary instead of a paper with a thesis. What you did wrong was that you wanted to include every aspect of your thesis in every paragraph. That forced you to reveal the whole plot step by step, which is meaningless, since you won't be graded on your knowledge of the movie, but what you understood from it.

What you must do is divide your thesis into paragraphs. For instance your first paragraph (after the entry paragraph that you already have) you should concentrate on showing examples of music reflecting Szpilmans mood, in the second paragraph examples of the architecture mirroring how the main character feels and in the third paragraph, go for the color motives.

After that, you must do one thing, something that every good thesis paper must have, you must rite a paragraph with your thoughts on the the thesis, in which you may (but don't have to) give another example for your thesis. I know that it sound confusing but here's how it would look like: If you thesis is that music, architecture and others are made so to reflect Szpilmans feelings in the movie, you go on to say if you think that it was done well or not, with reasons why you believe so.

After that, all that's left is to make an ending to your paper in which you reassure the reader that your thesis is accurate while putting the whole thing into a nice context about the movie.

Well then, if you have any other worries, please write on this thread so that we can
(constructively) bash you.

Thank you very much for our time and critique!

This is not my best writing.

I may post one of my earlier papers to buouy my pride (they were significantly better) :)

 Pervert!  There are women visiting this site!!

You're welcome. Now get to work :D

Ugh... work :(

I did just complete the first draft, though!  But that may not be the hard part.

@d21lewis

What, like 2?

Guess what I just finished? :P
That AA is mine!