Ok so the other night I was having some red wine with my wife when I go set the wine down and it spills on our white carpet. So I go get some soda water to clean it up and she scream at me not to use it because it will just move the stain down further into the carpet and it will come back over time and collect dirt. So I ask her if she want me to get some stain remover she say no we need to buy a wet vac to do it properly.

What is she thinking the freaking soda water will work fine!

Ok... first, don´t ever drink wine... it just doesn´t come close to beer... but since you were drinking with the misses and trying to get her drunk enough to do some freaky stuff in bed I will let it go for now... to your problem:

1. Take the same wine and spill it all over your carpet... red is a much nicer color for a carpet, you might need to get used your living room smelling like a homeless guys liver for a while but after that you can spill as much wine as you want...

2. If you really need a white carpet and don´t mind your place looking like you bought it from M.C. Hammer just bleach the s**t out of that rug...

3. I recall reading something about peanut butter, mayo and lemon doing the trick with red wine... or was it chewing gum ??? Anyway in the name of science you should combine any number of foods on the stain to figure out new ways to ruin it forever...

4. Are you sure you didn´t spill the wine on exactly the spot where you always wanted to put that little coffee table you saw in pottery barn ???

5. This is absolutely foolproof for any laundered items! Mix Dawn dish washing liquid soap with hydrogen peroxide...then pour on the stain and let sit as a presoak. Neither of these ingredients works by itself. You must use BOTH. You'll actually see the red wine disappear as you drizzle the mixture on a stain. Thats how your remove wine stains... or was it make napalm ??? S**t... I have been mixing up my stuff ever since that meth lab exploded on me...

OK that was completly not helpfull by your reasoning I should just pour gasoline on the rug light it on fire and replace it. Or maybe just mix up some bleach and ammonia for it so I can die form chlorine gas and the stain will really be the least of my problems.

Look I'm not going to use the Hydrogen Peroxide as that will highly damage the fibers and more imortantly the base of the rug.

The soda water didn't work, and I'm not buying a wet vac so are there any other ideas, beside using harmful chemicals.

I don't see much alternative other than getting rid of the wife. It doesn't seem like the stain is that much of a problem...and it certainly isn't bitching. If she complains that much about getting the boot, tell her it's her or the stain and see how quick she gets on her knees to take care of what she should have taken care of herself in the first place.

I see how it is. You know what next time you spill something on an expensive carpet or shirt that you own I want you to think of me standing there laughing at you.

Sorry, Kenzo. I understand what you mean. I remember one time when I was in college and we were renting this house. Well it had been quite a hectic night as we had had many guests over....and one thing led to another and someone just about tripped over my snes controller cord while I was doing a speed run of Super Metroid. Thankfully they avoided the cord, and instead ran into the coffee table and spilt a shit load of bongwater all over the carpet.

At that time we had this same conversation...about how to remove the stain/the smell. We decided at that point it was best to "meditate" on the experience....and in the process we completely forgot about the spill.

That seemed to do the trick just fine. As The Dude said before...maybe that's the place you always wanted to put that coffee table.

Maybe you always wanted a coffee table up your ass. Look it is in the middle of the floor. Anyways my neighbor told me to try, I kid you not cat piss. According to him the ammonia in cat piss would help get rid of the stain and the thickness of the urine would keep it for going to far into the rug and eating up the fibers. It dissolves the stain into the urine so you just then put baking soda on it and that absorbs the urine clean that and stains gone. So I have to trick my cats into peeing into a plastic bag.

Thoughts

Why all the coffee table hate ??? I hope you drown in catpiss. I hate wine, white carpets and don´t give a s**t how to separate the two because I would never be stupid enough to combine them.

Hey you wanted my thoughts...

Ok....so let me get this straight:

You have to follow your cat around with a plastic bag? And hope it'll make a deposit and not wonder what the hell you're doing taking a gander at its genitals? I would think the threat of getting caught by one of your friends or neighbors with your hand underneath your cat's bum would be far worse than just a simple carpet stain.

And I've been thinking of a better solution anyway. Paint. I think you should paint the carpet in that spot. Just take a few fibers down to the Home Depot and ask them to color match it. You'll have to buy about a pint of the stuff...but then you would have some paint to do touch-ups on your trim and molding.

But if you've got a thing for watching cats piss...be my guest.

So the cat pee and baking soda actually worked, and No I didn't have to chase my cat around with a plastic bag. I just locked them in the room where there kittly littler is and only put a bag in the box.

The carpet does have a mild smell though, but whatever at least its not red or yellow.