danasider said:
Dark_Lord_2008 said:
The majority of guys have to be initiators and make the effort in regards to dating and romance. Some of us guys just can not be bothered putting the time and effort pursuing women that provides minimal return. I prefer using my time doing what I enjoy doing instead of wasting time on talking to women I do not know that do not care they I exist in this world. Not every guy is a sport star, rock star, rich, famous or good looking. It is not worth the time and effort for some of us guys that have no chance regardless of what we do in life. I weigh every decision I make in life and look at pros and negatives and apply an analytical approach and I do not initiate in regards to dating because it is too much work for no return.
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Well then you answered it yourself.
I guess your answers most fit the option "They do not want to change!"
The thing is life is all about change. It's about adapting and compromising, because humans are social animals and we depend on each other. No man is really an island.
So if you feel your time is too valuable to make the effort to change your situation with women, that's fine. But it's not the world's fault. That's on you.
I am a 33 year old who posts comments on vgchartz and has had 6 sexual partners in the 13 years I've been sexually active (3 just this year, and there were droughts between some partners lasting months to years). I had a lot of social anxiety, depression, and a paralyzing fear of rejection among other issues, so I would take your attitude a lot.
Rather just stay home playing some games than go out, act weird in front of perfect strangers, and get rejected.
Then, this past year I decided to put in the effort. I tried social dating apps, bars, etc. I was rejected multiple times both in person and online.
With enough persistence, I landed some dates. With enough work put into understanding the opposite sex along with my irrational fears of them, I landed some sex.
Point is, even after all this time of being a certain way, with enough effort I turned it around and got what I wanted. I just drove a 22 year old home this morning after a fun night out (and more fun in both last night and this morning). People can change, and sometimes it's required in order to get different results.
Your situation may be different from mine, because autism is on a whole different scale when it comes to pursuing social relationships. But there are people with that disorder that do have families and/or other forms of relationships. You can either be in the group that focuses on all the negativity surrounding your life, or you can focus on what you WANT to be and find the steps required to transform into that. Up to you.
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Well this is somewhat motivating/reassuring to read. Do you find the social anxiety got easier to deal with/lessened the more you forced yourself to approach women? I'm 32 and have had little luck with women, though I pretty much have no one to blame but myself - it's my own apprehensiveness to approach them, and a fear of coming out of my shell. At the same time, it's a bit frustrating as I haven't exactly had many apparent opportunities or many girls throwing much interest my way either..
I mean, I've had a few "dates" using a loose definition of the term (trust me, they either didn't go well or were uneventful). I've also had a handful of female friends over the years, a few of which I'm pretty sure I could have had a chance with, but I was simply too self-conscious and concerned what they'd think of me, worried I would get mocked or viewed as a weirdo if I flubbed something or didn't measure up to their standards. I was also concerned about messing up our friendship and making things awkward within our "click" as we typically were within mostly the same circle of friends.
I honestly don't particularly view myself as a total wallflower or weirdo or anything. I consider myself a fairly normal, fairly decent looking guy - but for some odd reason just nothing ever really happened with me when it came to women. In school I was in a thick shell of isolation, only hanging to a click of a small circle of dude friends. I don't particularly go out much, and in college and in my work life, I've mostly been around dudes as well. I've always felt I've just always sort of coasted my way through life in a fairly normal manner, and next thing I know, I'm a single 32 year old. Just flew by so fast..
I don't know for sure that I have social anxiety though I'm pretty sure I have at least a moderate case of it, and suspect I may even be slightly on the autism spectrum. Looking into the traits associated with these conditions I seem to exhibit a startling amount of both.. I mean hell, to my confusion, I'll even get irrationally anxious at times just going out with a group of guy friends I haven't seen in awhile.. I'm also quite a big introvert which doesn't exactly lend itself to relationships.
I went through sort of a "poor me" sulking phase in my late teens/early 20s but now I'm really trying to stay positive. Trying to remind myself that when I REALLY feel I'm ready and want a relationship I'll hunker down, kick my ass and go for it. I'm just not 100% at that point yet, but I do feel I'm inching towards it. I don't want to compound being alone for so long with feeling too down.
I'm making it a new years resolution of mine to start to get out there more, be at least a little more social and try and meet women. Whether that means join a class/club, go to bars, or simply hang out with friends more, I gotta start taking the initiative. It might be tough for me at first, but I can't accept this defeatist attitude, even if sometimes I feel shitty. I gotta shake it off.
[this ramble turned out a lot longer than I intended lol, guess I just had to get that out]
Last edited by DarthMetalliCube - on 16 December 2018