fuckk....she sent me this and made me cry a bit...
Dear XXXX,
I was having a heart to heart talk with my mom and I told her about our situation... and I learned that you were right all along.
I've been selfish and unreasonable... and that the problem was how I take advice, and how I express my anger. She told me that as a woman, I should not expect you to manage my emotions. I should be the one doing that. I shouldn't blame you for anything you haven't done, because that's not your job. It was mine to keep. Whatever's happening in my life, isn't something I should unload on you.
She told me about my dad, who admitted that he is a very difficult person... but if it weren't for how she handled her situation and emotions, their relationship would've crumbled a long time ago. You're nicer than my dad, and for it to come to this means that I'm the problem.
She also told me that what I did, was very unreasonable. I should've understood that the "tampo" culture isn't something that I should expect from you.. You're not a Filipino, and that it's not you who's going to be integrated into my culture, it would've been me.
It was the first time I talked to my mom about anything, and I realized that I should've been more open about my feelings. It was a nice talk, and I didn't feel reprimanded at all. It's ok to open up, and I feel better about saying how I feel... that I shouldn't be scared to do it. I just need to accept that it was my pride that prevents it from happening.
I thank you for giving me an opportunity to have this talk with my mom, and I understand her better now. You opened up my eyes to what I was doing wrong, and you helped me understand the consequences of being too proud.
I also learned something new when I went out with XXXX on Friday. She told me that divorce or threatening to get one is a very serious thing in the US and that it's something that you don't give or take lightly.. which is what I did. She said that it is something that you learn when you interact with Americans. She had plenty of experinces with it through her work, but I didn't have the opportunity to have it. I did not understand you then, and I'm sorry because I wasn't aware of that.
I'm sorry that I didn't listen to you when you were telling me all of it and when you were telling me about myself...that it has to come to this just so I become aware of my actions. Looking back, I guess I shouldn't be surprised it has escalated into something really big. I should've acted like someone you deserve, and when I learned about your culture from Ems, I thought, "Shit, I was doing it wrong".
I'm not expecting you to reply back, nor am I expecting you to talk to me at all. I'd understand why you wouldn't want to. No hard feelings, and I know I'm the one who did this. I'm responsible. I tore a great rift ni our relationship. There's no one to blame but me. And I know now that I need to amend my mistake and mend our bond.
I just hope that we could have one more session when you get back from deployment.
I love you, I truly do. But whatever you decide, I'm gonna be fine with it.
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