yes i didn't

and yes i need to unlock

nothing works

i need somebody with a mac to fix it

Damn.. then you'll have to wait untill 4.2 rolles out in a few days.. dev team said the will cover unlock with their next redsn0w release.. http://blog.iphone-dev.org/

You could try this if you can't wait, but I don't like tutorials which aren't on iclarified:
http://www.coveringweb.com/2010/10/jailbreak-ios-41-on-all-devices-with.html
Use pwnage tool to create a custom 4.1 ipsw AND MOST IMPORTANT PERSERVE YOUR BASEBAND
restore with the custom firmware using the shift methode in itunes
then unlock it through cydia and ultrasnow
http://www.coveringweb.com/2010/09/how-to-unlock-iphone-3gs-on-ios-41.html

yes

but i don't have a mac thats why i asked for a mac user

who can make a cutom firmware of 4.1

which i can use with redsnow and update and preserve my baseband

I could make you one but i'm not willing to risk bricking your iphone forever... cause what I read here and this method isn't working too great... (it's bricking a lot of 3gs's) try tiny umbrella to kick it out of recovery or wait a few days for 4.2. with the redsn0w release.. actually it could be hours cause 4.2 is supposed to be released today..

my phone is not in recovery mode

and tiny umbrella doesn't detect it

so should i upgrade to 4.1 now

my iphone is already bricked up so you won't brick it further

also does itunes offer to save shsh while updating

backuping shsh is done through cydia or tinyumbrella.. Apple doesn't do this cause we aren't actually should have the ability to return to older more vulnerable firmware..

you could try http://xsellize.com/topic/88944-ios-41-custom-ipsw-for-all-idevices-iphone-ipad-itv-ipod-links/

xsellize is a good community for the jailbraiking scene.
but personally I would wait untill dev team releases redsn0w for 4.2 with baseband unlock.. which should be arriving soon..

i was too thinking of 4.2

but the problem is if they update the baseband then i will be stuck

thats why i am pushing it

also,am i supposed to use activated or non-activated

my phone is activated though

Use an activated..

And yeah it's a risk that they will update the baseband again.. my old iphone was stuck with 3.0 a long long time before they could unlock 3.1 3.1.2 and 3.1.3

I do want to mention that dev team is saying about 4.2:

http://blog.iphone-dev.org/

iPhone 3G and 3GS unlockers will be covered by our upcoming unlock.  Stay away from any updates to Apple FW until our official release and you’ll be okay.  Just stay away from all Apple IPSWs :)