and i am not kidding

Oh how we wish the above headline was an elaborate joke. As it turns out, Privates is a very real game developed by Zombie Cow Studios coming out for XBLA and PC. The PC version of the game will be free of charge, but the one on XBLA is going to cost you. Privates is a game that takes you deep into the filthy orphases of everyday people in an effort to clean them out.

At its core, Privates is a twin stick shooter. You control a small army of “condom-hatted marines” who fight monsters inside vaginas and bums. Privates takes place across five levels in a 3D space. I would say we wouldn’t be too far off by saying this game sounds plain ridiculous.

Without getting too graphic I must ask a simple question. What kind of message do you expect to send when making a game built upon fighting off infectious bugs inside someone’s private parts? I suspect the condom hatted marines are promoting the idea of safe sex. Hopefully the game will be fun enough to avoid the overbearing message of sexually transmitted diseases. And yes that is probably the last time those words will ever appear on a gaming site.

http://www.gamertell.com/gaming/comment/privates-digs-deep-into-bottoms-and-vaginas/

Okay, before we go any further I swear we’re not making this one up in some vapid attempt at a late April Fools joke.

Zombie Cow have announced a new title which follows (and we quote)

a teeny-tiny gang of condom-hatted marines as they delve into peoples’ vaginas and bottoms and blast away at all manner of oozy, shouty monsters

And it’s a twin stick platforming shooter. Riiiiiiight…

The game is coming free to PC this summer and to Xbox some point after. However they’ve neglected to be specific about whether this will be an Indie Game or (as we suspect is more likely) a Live Arcade release – either way charging for something you can get for free on PC is a pretty poor model, so lets hope it’s actually worth playing.

http://www.console-arcade.com/2010/05/11/privates-coming-to-xbox-live-arcade/

I want that game.

in or out ?

Now that is a game that will have no ads on television....

I would have agreed with the writer and said that those are some dick head privates, but upon further inspection, those look like titties to me. Therefor, those are indeed some tough titties.

I am almost certain this will never see a release on XBLA.