- A 22 year old male gamer
- Joined on June 29th 2020, last online on 19 July 2020.
- Profile Views: 625
- Forum posts: 27 times which averages 1 posts per day
- User Reviews: 0 reviews
- VG$ 1,100.00
So yeah, coming back here was definitely the wrong move. It's just too much on my mental health. When you get so stressed out that you stop eating because of a fucking video game forum, you know that something's wrong, and it's not like there's a pot of gold at the end of the tunnel. There's almost no benefit to it.
Random rambling alert!
So, on one hand, rejoining this site has been very stressful for me, but on the other hand it has been very enlightening. On one hand, it makes me realize that I probably should have realized that as it's stressful for me to be here, it's also potentially stressful for other people for me to be on here at all, let alone me trying to contact people.
I admittedly reacted very poorly to certain falling outs I had while here. I paid too much attention to the hurt I was receiving, and not on the actions I committed. Some people didn't want to associate with me anymore, and I should have respected that. Instead, I wanted to desperately keep a grasp on the past that was happier (or at least in which I believed things were better). I guess what I really should have realized was that if I truly cared about these people, I should have left them alone as they wished.
I honestly truly should have left in around October of 2017 as I originally planned on doing; I was extremely depressed from certain things that had happened here and I knew that things wouldn't be better again here. What's more is that I had an out, ResetEra had literally just launched at around that time and I even made an account there. However, as what would soon prove to be an egregious mistake, I decided to come back.
This was a horrible mistake. It's not as if everything that went wrong started here; I think back at some things I did even before that time and cringe at it now. But with my honeymoon phase here over, and still being pretty hurt, I was both paranoid at other things happening, and much more critical of the content I saw on here. It led to several more run-ins with various members on here. So, what should have ended in October dragged on several more months until July. As I said, it was not like I didn't do anything questionable before then, but most of the damage was done during that time.
In retrospect, I have no idea how I even lasted here as long as I did. I guess it was a mix of not having friends, getting really attached to the community here, having a job that I hated that this place provided a relief from, etc. I remember just how excited I used to be to come onto this site/the Discord server to converse with people, like extreme excitement. However, that excitement also had me view certain things overtly positively. I am a very sensitive, shy person, and so I am surprised that I wasn't driven/turned off by this place earlier. Especially considering my political views, and how often I'd get frustrated with what I saw posted on here. Maybe this community was never for me and I just didn't realize it. Maybe this community changed. Maybe I changed. I don't know, I cannot absolutely answer that myself?
Why am I posting this here? I know very well that this will probably be seen by very few people, if any, and that this is ultimately more of me writing for myself. This is so I can get closure for myself. I needed to write this to finally be able to move on. I have emotional swings, that's for sure, so maybe the thought of this site and certain people will stress me out again in the future, but as of now I wanted to post this. I will no longer try to contact people here whom I am not already in communication with. Rather, I'll just leave my contact information here for people to talk to me if they wish to do so. That way, I won't run into the potential issues of trying to contact people who want nothing to do with me/get stressed out by me, or making people feel pressured to talk to me. Yes, I may hope that some people do decide to get in touch with me, but I have to let people decide if they want to rather than trying to force it myself.
So, I'm probably not going to check this site out very often. So, if anyone really wants to get in contact with me, my Discord account is a better way of doing so:
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This song is a classic, Every Day Is Halloween! ...
I wouldn't have bought one, that's for sure. ...
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