JRPGfan said:
I kinda like the art style.... even if it feels very simplistic, or minimalist/empty.
However the storytelling? Its kinda a weak point.
Also the "men are evil, and cause of all troubles" troupe is so overdone these days.
So are boss babe females swooping in to save the day. The first 3 chapters.
Also some of it feels out of place.
I thought this would be a other world, where magic was real and such.
Then the male (father) is like in a lab coat, and randomly a women swoops in to save the day in a doctors uniform (guess they live right across a hospital?)...
It feels conflicting.
That's my honest opinion, after the first 5 chapters now.
This is not exactly great writing or storytelling.
However its fine to have a hobby and try and improve and make something.
I read tons of Chinese Light Novels (fan translated), and again, not everyone is a natural gifted writer,
and some of the stories are really poorly translated...
So I'm picky and just sort through and ignore the stuff that's low quality. This is kinda at that level, ei. part time hobby/first try sort of thing.
If you want success with this, and potentially be able to earn something from it.... this is not going to cut it (again just my opinion).
I'd scrap it, and rethink/rework it.
Like this is what I expect from say a teen's first try at a webcomic...
Questions:
Was this Dryad even evil? Its been imprisoned, and apparently used mental abilities to convince the man to release it.
Wife comes home, sees him having a hallucination and hugging it, and instantly attacks it.
It defends itself, and ends up harming the boy. It looks like it goes to try and heal him? and the wife goes and gets injured by attacking it again.
Then lastly it just walks away? And for some reason the man follows it.
|
Thanks for reading first of all.
There is magic in this world I don't see how that isn't clear. Just my synopsis tells you there is a magic system with mages.
So every question you had is what I wanted the readers to ask. Those questions will be answered as the story goes on. Also the last panel in chapter 5 is supposed to show that Chinakah realizes how little she did. I might need to revise the panel if that wasn't clear.
Also I haven't shown a single evil man so far so I'm not sure where you are getting that men are the source of all problems.
Edit:
And last thing I did write the general outline when I was 13-14 years old over 20 years ago 🤪 so you are spot on about the teen writing vibe lol. So with that there definitely isn't a political spin to this since I wasn't interested in politics as a young teen. So if anyone is wanting Game of thrones level storyline this ain't it 😂
Last edited by pokeclaudel - on 07 August 2025
