And I a texas guy and I know all about oil. I know so much. I can tell you all about every kind of well and drilling condition. I can even squat down and smell the earth, and i'll know whether or not it would be a good place to put in a new well. One time, this Yankee salesman was trying to get me to invest in an oil well in west texas and I didn't want to. He showed me these company documents over my coffee table in his damn rose colored suit. Really? You're gonna come to my house on your pink suit? He was so slick, was disgusted by his whole persona. So with an evil grin I held him down and forcefully tied the Yankee up. And I sat him down on a dinner chair in handcuffs. And I taught him how to talk like a Texan by slapping him in the face with a steak when he didn't say it right.
"Awl and gas bidness" and when he didn't say it right I'd slap him again. Finally he knew to call every soft drink a "Coke" and spoke respectfully of Texas norms.
I finally let the Yankee go, surprised that I didn't get a kidnapping charge.
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