Hiku said:~ Thread moved to Politics ~
I see. And where is that pressure to have children coming from in Brazil? And in what form? As for me, I have been open to having children with a previous girlfriend (before this one), if it was really important to her. And it was. But even when two people are right for each other, forcing yourself to have children for someone else is probably not a great idea. That's just one of many examples over the years, but I'm not getting the sense that she's just trying to humor me regarding having children. One of my closest friends has two children. A daughter and a son. Both are around 10 years old by now. So there's that RNG when you have children since you don't know how they'll turn out. You're hoping for a 5* unit from the gacha, but it might be a 2*. Anyway, I don't really have the same regard for a 'traditional family' as some people. Because I don't know if it is as important as people thought ages ago when that standard was established. Because back then, there were barely any other options. So that was pretty much the only frame of reference people had. At the same time I had two close friends who are still my close friends to this day, and we call each other brothers. I never wanted more of a family than I had. (Obviously, I wanted one less sibling even.) To me, family isn't something set in stone, and not neccesarily defined by blood either. Or marriage for that matter.
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Family pressure is usually the most prevalecente one, although friends/peer pressure still exist as well.
Forcing yourself to have children certainly is bad in my opinion and that is one reason it is very important to have this (and other discussions) to avoid frustration down the road, you may both love one another, but if critical points doesn't match there is great chance for the relationship to not work out. Thankfully you seem to be on a good road.
Regarding the discord chat, well this friend may like to complain just for the sake of complaining just like many married couple complain about being married or being married to that specific person but can't imagine or want a life without that person, it is just self-mockery. But yes if the person isn't happy having 2 children there isn't a logical reason to keep making more (perhaps the partner wants more and the person just agree to try and make the other happy, and sometimes that is misunderstanding as the other person don't want more but is actually making more to make the first person happy but they never openly talked about the subject, so common in relationship).
About the friend with 2 children, perhaps he is falling in educating this small menace (it is hard and I do understand why you don't want to burden yourself with, and myself I'm very egotistical on this front still it really makes me happy to make and see my children happy they enter as high priority that satisfy me by pleasing them, sure it isn't something very logical or that would entice someone that didn't got through the experience).
And yes children is very much an unknow variable, you may do everything right and the result being very poor or the opposite.
Certainly today a "tradicional family" is much less relevant than past century in a lot of places, as a lot of discrimination against women makes less sense today than it did 100 years ago (because sure a lot more jobs needed muscle power that wouldn't be expected of women at that time, but today there is a lot less of those works). So as others said here, if the tradition is something that makes good for most people (preferentially all) it will naturally sustain, if it harms it will be fought and disappear with time.
From what I do know of you, you seem like a fine person, and sure we can't really know if you would turn better or worse if your father was more present in your life, or if perhaps even the once a month was enough to give you parameter. And also sure it is wrong of anyone, myself included, to measure you or anyone else using oneself as parameter or standard. I do think I turned quite well and believe it is strongly due to familial ties (sure there are some hiccups and bad cases to be remembered, but mostly all my relatives I have a very good relationship with perhaps not super deep but enjoyable).
I can certainly agree that family doesn't need or is defined by blood or marriage, but by the bonds and what they mean to you. So in that way even an "orthodox family" as a very strong tie with friends that help you develop yourself (because for me that is the key of family, support you as you support them to help one another develop and grow). And there is nothing wrong on not having a traditional family imho, as in most cases you aren't the one responsible for it.
And as I said you certainly aren't someone that makes propaganda or try to destroy families or the notion, at least I didn't perceive anything in this line from you.
The destruction I put is more on those very biggoted views that overcompensate to the opposite side of "tradition" and try to put every man as potential rapist, society as being totally oppresive of women in favor of men, traditional family as ruined and toxical for society, etc. There are some cases of ads on this line and there is a very clear editorial standard for this in newspaper in Brazil (like gender, race, etc being heavily reported when it is "a group of power" or ignored when it is otherwise and sometimes doesn't even report the case).
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