| Machiavellian said: I do not believe you noticed that I stated "Hot to you". This means that if the woman is hot to you that is all that matters not the perceived hot value as it changes with each individual. There were many woman who I thought was hot that my friends questioned. I was fine with that because who needs the competition. I know my taste and sometimes particular things attract me more then the obvious physical features. The story you mention is not unique because I had the exact same situation. I thought about the encounter for months and what I came away with is that I need to be more open with what I want. I remember calling the girl the next day and I could tell, I totally blew it. Even then I was not honest with what I wanted. It made me realize that making sure what I want is not something a woman need to guess about. I have had way more success just getting out what I want early then coming in, trying to play the friend role, hoping for the girl to notice me in a romantic way. Instead, if we are hanging out, its always going to be me letting the woman know what I want. No games, no hidden feelings so that if she and I are together she knows exactly where I am at. Do not look for me to be that buddy you share all the intimate things with or that guy you tell about how your BF is not treating you right. I would be like, dump that dude and be with me if not save it for your girlfriends. |
Bold: true. My bad, sorry. My old group of friends used to question that kind of stuff too.
(By the way, I forgot to mention that, even when I was in my hometown, this woman and I lived like an hour away from each other and I had never been at her place before - because it was way better for us to just meet in the capital city. I mention this now because it's also part of what made me finally reach the conclusion that meeting at her house wasn't just for the sake of it and it actually meant something. I also have to say that I didn't mind being friends with her, just that I felt this attraction too.)
In my case, being open with what I want now is somewhat difficult in these situations, not because I don't dare or something like that, but because my concept of relationships is (at least) slightly different than that of the majority: friendship, sex and romantic relationships are kind of mixed in my head. So if I'm friends with someone and I have a deep enough connection with that person (generally a woman), then sex is a completely natural step forward to me, so in my mind close friendships are more or less like what other people would see as couple's relationships, but without infatuation, jealousy, etc., and of course having each their own space and freedom. And the problem with this is that I don't even know what the word for something like that is - no name that I know of matches that kind of relationship exactly, so a woman who I might meet nowadays could have as many difficulties knowing what I want as I'd have reading what she wants. In that regard, I don't know if I could make something similar to what you described and be successful at reaching some kind of mutual understanding.
| Phoenix20 said: There are 5 guys to every woman on a dating app. Women can afford to be fussy on dating apps due to the abundance of men. Most guys on dating apps are lucky to get a single match, let alone date. Dating apps for most guys leads to frustration. |
Someone already replied to you in another thread, but I'd like to say that, while venting can always be useful and there are many things in this world that deserve a good dose of criticism (probably Tinder among them), the act of complaining in and of itself is only helpful if the person doing it also take some other constructive actions in order to try to keep moving forward (which I don't know if it's your case or not, because I don't know you).
In other words, you can't just expect that the changes that could help you achieve what you want (a job, a couple, etc.) come from other people, institutions, apps or whatever: you need to be the one who makes the first step and take the best out of your strengths and of all the resources you've got at your disposal: Tinder doesn't work for you? Then screw Tinder; just use another app or try to think of another way that would make it easier for you to meet someone else. You can't find a job? Just keep trying and send dozens of curriculums via apps and in real life (when possible), while you also try to do what you really like in your free time.
I mean, I know that not being able to socialize when and with whom you want sucks and I know that not being able to find a job sucks too, but thinking about how everything sucks is only helpful to an extent: it comes a point when that way of thinking becomes not only unhelpful, but also counter-productive and even self-destructive in some situations. Nothing in this world is completely bad or completely good: we live in an enormous and complex greyscale, and it's up to us to try to not see it too light nor too dark; to find the right balance. And that applies not only to the world, but also to ourselves. In your case, I don't know if you're in some kind of negativity loop that makes you be too focused on all the bad things surrounding you and prevents you from taking into account all the potential good stuff (because, as I said, I don't know you), but it definitely looks like that's exactly the case. If it's not, I'm sorry about this post.
I'm mostly a lurker now.
