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Machiavellian said:

Lol, true you can experience rejection but lets say out of 10 girls you believe is very hot, if one says yes well, you are a winner.  When I was in high school, I did not approach any girls believing all the ones I thought was beyond me would turn me down.  When I went to college, I decided to just approach any girl that I thought was hot and give it a shot.  The first thing I came away with is that when they shot me down, I really did not feel anything.  Since I did not wait or moon over the girl where a rejection would crush me, I did not put anything emotional into it so it was all good.  

What I found out is that when you let a girl know you are interested in them, you are always in the game.  Sometimes things does not click right away but if you are a cool and do not take the rejection personally, you find out a lot of times that later on you will get your shot if you are still available.  This happen to me a lot in college.  I would ask this girl out, she would turn me down.  Later during the semester when I see the girl I am always friendly but not that friend zone friendly.  Usually after they go through a few a holes, you find out they start to seek you out or you might see them and say, "Hey you want to have dinner and Bam!" what was a no turns into a yes.

Anyway, if you never speak up or say anything what usually happens is that you start to build this emotional barrier where if the person says know when you finally get the nerve to ask them out, you become crushed.  I found just getting in their quick and stating your ground fixes that issue and also can prepare you for success later.

Well, I have to say that I'm not particularly attracted to women who are considered hot. This may sound cliché, but a mind turns me on more than a body, and in my case I mean literally: when a woman is interesting to me, her body becomes completely irrelevant and I don't need any physical attraction at all to be horny, if the situation arises. In fact, the woman who I've been more sexually attracted to in my entire life (with difference) was not ugly, but also definitely not a woman for whom I'd felt any kind of physical attraction had I not met her.

That said, it's totally different when it comes to men: the appearance matters a lot more then.

Anyway, my comment was exaggerated for comical purposes: the truth is that the number of rejections I've experienced in my life is not as high as the number of times that things didn't go further due to my lack of flirting skills. And I've got an example that is more or less analogous to yours and which speaks a lot about my ineptitude: there was a girl I was quite attracted to (a similar case than before: she was not a model at all, but she was interesting - and kind of mysterious), so I asked her out. She rejected me, but we still kept in contact and, during that time, she suggested me to do a couple of trips together, and she even asked me if we would sleep in the same hotel room if we did, to which I just said that I'd leave her decide. Those trips never happened in the end, but we still met every time I came back to my hometown, sometimes just the two of us and sometimes with other friends or acquaintances that we had in common. Nothing special.

One of those occasions that we met alone, however, we had a great time together and there was kind of a connection between us. Nothing happened that night, but she invited me to her house shortly after, one day when her parents weren't at home and she was going to be alone the whole day. So we met there, we lunched, we went to a sofa, we sat there... and that was all: we were just sitting on the sofa chitchatting, both of us equally bored; it was a pretty dull date, and only because I was completely unable to understand that it was indeed a date and where that date could've led to. In fact, it took me years to realize that something could've happened that afternoon. I'm just THAT level of bad at this. So even if I don't fear rejection, it's more or less like if I did, lol.

But I have assumed it, anyway, and I've tried to work on that.

Last edited by Verter - on 02 March 2021

I have periods of social disconnection, it's a part of me that I need and keenly embrace. I'll still log in and read news and threads during those times, but I won't be (very) active on the site, so I apologize for any inconvenience that this may cause (late answers, bumps or the like).


Please, feel free to correct my English.