When I was young from 6 to about 16 my attempts got better and better until I found my self under a bridge with a shotgun. Thankfully I didn't pull the trigger and in retrospect my troubles were not that big. I didn't much like myself and still don't all that much. Even at 6 when I thought I could strangle myself to death ( spoiler you just pass out) there was a part of me that knew how much I would hurt those around me if I succeeded. In the end that was what caused me to turn the corner, the selfishness of the act, that the pain I would cause was much deeper and would affect way more people than any amount of pain or hate I felt for myself. I don't know if this helps, and as someone else said we are all individuals so what worked for me may not work for you. If you don't want to be hospitalized at least try talking to a professional.
