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d21lewis said:
My few clubbing experiences were horrific and embarrassing.
-Desperately talking to different girls only to be immediately shot down.
-Being asked to buy drinks by a couple of girls saying "You're just using me for drinks. You're going to leave as soon as I buy them" and immediately being left the second they got the drinks in their hands.
-Dancing SO BADLY that the girl who asked me to dance danced away from me and was never seen again.
-Going to a club on what I didn't know was "ladies night" and being surrounded by male strippers

It's like a bad 90s movie and I feel like jumping off of a building just thinking about it. You don't want my advice.

It's only 4:40 AM and you might have just made my day. Especially the dancing bit. :)

@OP Although I had fun a few times, I mostly thought nightclubs were terrible, and prefer a more intimate setting. The flashing lights in the darkness, loud music I often didn't like, people all crowded and buzzing around. And Jesus Christ, just the bathroom, wait till' you see the bathroom....yeah, sorry, no advice. 

Chinese food for breakfast