I understand what you are going through. I have been going through depression as well for the past few years and it is awful. I know sometimes you desperately want to feel relief from the emotional pain (the loneliness, the empty feeling in your gut) and the physical toll it takes, but always remember that you need to be alive to be able to feel relief. Also, remember that there are people that care about you and are rooting for you to win this battle.
BTW, from what you are describing your depression may be clinical in nature, so you might have to seek help from a Psychiatrist. I notice that your profile states that you live in the UK. Note that mental health services are covered by your countries NHS, all you need is a referral from your GP.
Here are some links that may be useful for you.
https://www.nhs.uk/using-the-nhs/nhs-services/mental-health-services/how-to-access-mental-health-services/
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/psychiatry/
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/suicide/
Please take care of yourself and always know that there are people that care for you and want to help you. You can get over this stage and live a wonderful life. Also, feel free to PM me if you just want to talk.
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