The American family is falling apart

[Stefan.De.Machtige]

sundin13 said:

Stefan.De.Machtige said:

A lot of people are saying that marriage doesn't matter for children of general family live. Wel if that's the case, why is fertility way down for most (if not all) countries where the marriage rate tanked...?

The answer is simple:
When the chief pair bonding mechanism fails, the bonding fails also. There was a reason why marriage was pushed in the past. They broke the social/religious contract and with it the core of society.

Could you clarify what you mean when you say that marriage is the "chief pair bonding mechanism"? It sounds like what you are saying is that people form bonds through marriage, but that isn't really how the institution of marriage is supposed to work (unless you are talking about arranged marriage, which I don't think you are, and I don't think many here would support). Marriage is a symptom of bonding. It does not create the bond, it just writes about it on a piece of paper.

Theoretically, in a strong, healthy relationship, marriage is meaningless (beyond the tax breaks).

That is why I personally dislike the idea of marriage and I would probably not get married to whomever I plan to spend my life with (assuming they don't care one way or the other). Negative reinforcement is not what healthy relationships should be built on. I don't think that it is in my best interest to stay with someone I don't want to be with just because of how annoying divorce proceedings are.

Marriage as an institution does not build strong relationships, it sloppily holds together weak ones after they've already fallen apart.

Bold: This is (partially) true if you're talking about the 'modern' marriage.

In the past marriage was not really about love. It was a almost unbreakable contract recognized by state/church/class/just important people which would bind two sexes together and see the continuation of the society. For the most part it was simple enough: A man provided resources and authority and the women provided fertility and sex.

When you commited to this contract, it was a very big deal for all parties. It was one of the most important contract you could enter with far-reaching consequences for both sexes which could last untill death. Under that understanding it can build very strong relationships where business, heritage, blood and even love are mixed in a mutual beneficial contract for both. One of the best free trade deals around  untill .gov got in on the game .

As a literal contract it means indeed nothing as all social constructs do. But in the context of the past and social cohesion, it did mean a lot. In the current times it's value is almost zero i quess.

I would not marry myself at this point. As a man there is nothing to gain in marriage.